Sunday, November 30, 2003just got home.went out for dinner with my family.had jap cuisine.yumyumyum.had salmon teriyaki.grilled fish.chuka karage.butter clams.green tea icecream.wah so full.i'm so excited about the man u match at midnight later on.up against chelsea.hehe.can see my lovely van nistelrooy!erm.sori.he's not mine.forgot.man.why do i keep sending sms to the wrong person.cock-eyed.better double check first better i send a message.hehe i feel happier almost instantly.really happy.its been a long while since.and my mind keeps drifting back to that night.that wonderful night.man.cant stop smiling.i'm over the moon! Walk On And love It's not the easy thing The only baggage That you can bring Not the easy thing The only baggage you can bring Is all that you can't leave behind And if the darkness is to keep us apart And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off And if your glass heart should crack Before the second you turn back Oh no, be strong Walk on Walk on What you got, they can't steal it No they can't even feel it Walk on Walk on Stay safe tonight You're packing a suitcase for a place None of us has been A place that has to be believed To be seen You could have flown away A singing bird In an open cage Who will only fly Only fly for freedom Walk on Walk on What you got You can't deny it Can't sell it or buy it Walk on Walk on You stay safe tonight And I know it aches How your heart it breaks You can only take so much Walk on Walk on Home Hard to know what it is If you never had one Home I can't say where it is But I know I'm going Home That's where the heart is And I know it aches And your heart it breaks You can only take so much Walk on Leave it behind You've got to leave it behind All that you fashion All that you make All that you build All that you break All that you measure All that you feel All this you can leave behind All that you reason All that you care It's only time And I'll never fill up all my mind (??) All that you sense All that you scheme All you dress up And all that you see All you create All that you wreck All that you hate a.y.e.v.o.l .:| just a backyard baby with a nappy full of dreams |:. ____________________________________neverdid.neverwill `there is no finish line 9:49 AM just got home.went out for dinner with my family.had jap cuisine.yumyumyum.had salmon teriyaki.grilled fish.chuka karage.butter clams.green tea icecream.wah so full.i'm so excited about the man u match at midnight later on.up against chelsea.hehe.can see my lovely van nistelrooy!erm.sori.he's not mine.forgot. man.why do i keep sending sms to the wrong person.cock-eyed.better double check first better i send a message.hehe i feel happier almost instantly.really happy.its been a long while since.and my mind keeps drifting back to that night.that wonderful night.man.cant stop smiling.i'm over the moon! Walk On And love It's not the easy thing The only baggage That you can bring Not the easy thing The only baggage you can bring Is all that you can't leave behind And if the darkness is to keep us apart And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off And if your glass heart should crack Before the second you turn back Oh no, be strong Walk on Walk on What you got, they can't steal it No they can't even feel it Walk on Walk on Stay safe tonight You're packing a suitcase for a place None of us has been A place that has to be believed To be seen You could have flown away A singing bird In an open cage Who will only fly Only fly for freedom Walk on Walk on What you got You can't deny it Can't sell it or buy it Walk on Walk on You stay safe tonight And I know it aches How your heart it breaks You can only take so much Walk on Walk on Home Hard to know what it is If you never had one Home I can't say where it is But I know I'm going Home That's where the heart is And I know it aches And your heart it breaks You can only take so much Walk on Leave it behind You've got to leave it behind All that you fashion All that you make All that you build All that you break All that you measure All that you feel All this you can leave behind All that you reason All that you care It's only time And I'll never fill up all my mind (??) All that you sense All that you scheme All you dress up And all that you see All you create All that you wreck All that you hate a.y.e.v.o.l .:| just a backyard baby with a nappy full of dreams |:. ____________________________________neverdid.neverwill `there is no finish line 5:52 AM woke up early.went shop to help out my mum.was so tired.messaged till 1 plus.slept at 2.went Jean Yip with my sis and my mum.took the coligen hair treatment package.there was this steamer they placed above my head for like 30 minutes.wah man.so hot.it took like one hour plus.so sian.sit there and stare at my reflection in the mirror.my sis dyed her hair golden brown.thought it looks nice.my mum dyed her hair red!.yes i mean red.really bright shade of red.like fire like that.everyone was like staring at her when she got out of the saloon.i was like oh man, hair disaster.jaws dropped. dont feel happy today.lifeless.have been thinking alot alot alot.my mind tells me one thing.my heart tells me another.trying to sort out my thoughts.all tangled up. missing you.really badly. I'm so tired of being here Supressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time can not erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me You used to captivate me by your resonating mind Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time can not erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me .:| swimming against the tide : praying for a lifeline |:. _____________hold me now.i'm six feet from the edge and i'm thinking maybe six feet aint so far down. -we 6 didnt make it eventually.the end- `there is no finish line 12:23 AM Saturday, November 29, 2003just washed up.feeling rather refreshed.at sherri's place right now.stayed over last night.went kallang to watch off league season yesterday.felt nice seeing yeeleen.peilin.pat play.they were really good.played street netball with sherlyn.ness.sherri.kim.lover.mel.and 3 other sherlyn's friends.hehe.so fun.it was getting late.we left.the path leading from the netball centre to the bus stop brings back lots of memories.0207.0407.nearly cried.took 196.yakked on the bus with kim and ness while lover slept.went 7-11 to get snacks.2 packs of chips.reached sherri's place at around 12.watched this chinese ghost show.forgot the name.snacked on chips and strawberrries.fell asleep halfway.too tired. woke up this morning at around 8 plus.found Russell sitting the foot of the mattress.he's so cute man.haha.then he kept counting the four of us.1.2.3.4.then.4.3.2.1.hehe.really cute loh.went back to sleep.woke up at 1022.felt sleepy still but everyone was awake already. sherri's house's very nice.simple deco but classy.just had breakfast.sheranne and sherri made black pepper ham and cheese sandwiches.yumyum.they're all watching the movie pontianak now in the living room.oh.just heard sheranne scream.haha.okie.signing off here.wana go watch it too.hmm.i'll blog again later in the day.byee for now. .:| going in circles again |:. _____________arethingsreallywhattheyseemtobe? *yeah harmoko.i agree.she sucks. `there is no finish line 11:21 PM just got home.went orchard to take neoprints with sheranne.nessie.sherri.freak.broke sheranne's $29.90 slipper.gave her $20 to compensate for it.i'm broke.ate tori-q's yakitori lunchbox.yumyum.rushed off to meet gorilla at cityhall.was 40 minutes late.man.went marina to catch master and commander of the sea.2hr30mins.storyline was rather okie.but just a little too long.went marina square and citylink jalan jalan.haha fun.spent a million years in hallmark.in the end that gorilla still managed to get the sweet little heartshaped box.placed all the paperhearts inside.he sent me home. felt nice today.had fun.still do feel empty though.but oh well.just have to tell myself to get on. in one way or another.i still find myself standing on the track of the past.keep telling myself i gotta be strong and get through this.i must. .:| you're the only piece of the puzzle i'm missing |:. ______________stopthemotion.breakthepain `there is no finish line 5:15 AM Friday, November 28, 2003just washed up.feeling rather refreshed.at sherri's place right now.stayed over last night.went kallang to watch off league season yesterday.felt nice seeing yeeleen.peilin.pat play.they were really good.played street netball with sherlyn.ness.sherri.kim.lover.mel.and 3 other sherlyn's friends.hehe.so fun.it was getting late.we left.the path leading from the netball centre to the bus stop brings back lots of memories.0207.0407.nearly cried.took 196.yakked on the bus with kim and ness while lover slept.went 7-11 to get snacks.2 packs of chips.reached sherri's place at around 12.watched this chinese ghost show.forgot the name.snacked on chips and strawberrries.fell asleep halfway.too tired. woke up this morning at around 8 plus.found Russell sitting the foot of the mattress.he's so cute man.haha.then he kept counting the four of us.1.2.3.4.then.4.3.2.1.hehe.really cute loh.went back to sleep.woke up at 1022.felt sleepy still but everyone was awake already. sherri's house's very nice.simple deco but classy.just had breakfast.sheranne and sherri made black pepper ham and cheese sandwiches.yumyum.they're all watching the movie pontianak now in the living room.oh.just heard sheranne scream.haha.okie.signing off here.wana go watch it too.hmm.i'll blog again later in the day.byee for now. .:| going in circles again |:. _____________arethingsreallywhattheyseemtobe? *yeah harmoko.i agree.she sucks. `there is no finish line 7:48 PM dont know what happened to my blog yesterday.everything went so wrong.but nessie came to the rescue.did what she can.and ta-da!.a whole new blog.so nice right.lovee the strawberry picture.hehe.thanks alot nessie! ya da best! watched rugrats go wild yesterday at jp with lover.sam.ben.quite okie.sam kept laughing and commenting that Angelica's so cute.haha.so funny.sam and lover left after the movie.went around jp looking for a jar.didnt find one in the end.yeah!.hehehe.went home.took 174.chatted quite a bit.feels nice. netball camp today.met nat on the bus to school.started off with light warm ups.then drills.one-third court.match.went holland v for lunch break.had curry chicken noodles.wasnt that nice.bought subway cookies too.hehe.yum.got caught in the heavy rain while going back to school.wet shoes.wet socks.wet shirt.wet shorts.caught a cold.again. december's LIME is out.got mine.but its in a terrible state all thanks to the rain.going to sherri's house to stay over later.man.so excited.haha.hmm.together with ness and sheranne.planning to watch some scary movie.haha.cant wait.okie.gotta go pack my stuff.perhaps i'll blog again when i'm at sherri's house.okie okie.i'm off to ivory heights.byee When the lights are down low and I'm feeling insecure With this bed so big and cold only memories to hold It's your voice I need to hear to help me overcome this fear I need your hand to help my heart from sinking into this quicksand of love If I told you that I couldn't bear to be alone Would you be there And if I said I need your heart to be my home Would you let me stay there .:| its no better today . i never thought it would end up this way |:. [paperhearts.five] `there is no finish line 12:42 AM Wednesday, November 26, 2003didnt blog yesterday.had cramps.was really really painful.ran out of pills somemore.man.went to mc cafe yesterday with mel.kim.ben.had hot chocolate and cheesecake.had fun.haha.thanks for the cheesecake.hmm.wanted to catch cold creek manor.but no time slots.so went home instead.my mum striked lottery.went out for dinner.had this 70s steamboat thingie.called 'Lok Lok'.was really nice.just that i started having cramps half way through.walked past this cafe called cheesecake cafe at east coast.dragged my mum inside.wahh.there's raspberry oreo cheesecake.peach cheesecake.coffee cheesecake.alotalot of different kinds.settled for the american cheesecake in the end.my dad was like grumbling over the price.but haha never mind. i'm at karo's house now.her dog 'luckee' is real fierce.bark.bark.bark.scary man.haha.dont dare to go near her.hmm.she's barking again. its thursday today.dont feel happy though.dont know whats with me these days.feel down.there's nothing to keep my lonely mind occupied.its only when i'm busy with stuff that i dont feel the pain i have inside of me. man.havent got started with my homework.better start soon.but the thought of it makes me wanna sleep.homework sucks. .:|i still do believe the sun is somewhere shining even when it rain|:. ____________[came too far to let go of everything] `there is no finish line 7:26 PM Tuesday, November 25, 2003went into fmss today.looks quite okie.took a peek at the netball court.only got one.pathetic.went dover court to play basketball.with kim.ben.sam.marcus.ness.quite fun.went makan at dover with kim and ben.had hor fun.sat there for an hour or so.went great world city mc cafe after that.the cheese cake was reali yummy.tried the sample.kim and me were like drooling over it.haha.a slice of cheese cake and a cup of hot chocolate would make a good breakfast. thought alot about the things you said to me in the taxi.hmmmm.maybe i should.maybe i shouldnt.i really dont know.why must you treat me so well.you're only making me feel more guilty.really feel bad hurting you over and over again.wont do it anymore.give me the time i need to think over it. [g.s] kim.decided what i'm gonna do.i will tell him straight.dont want to drag this on anymore.dont want you to feel that way.but i'm afraid i will worsen things.i want me and him to remain as friends.but will that be possible after what i said? and ya.didnt go down to catch crab today cause of the rain.perhaps another day.okie.no mood to blog on further.feel rather tired.gonna hit the beds soon.feeling more troubled as ever. but deep down inside of me.he is still there. .:|emotion's a stir|:. `there is no finish line 10:35 AM went into fmss today.looks quite okie.took a peek at the netball court.only got one.pathetic. went dover court to play basketball.with kim.ben.sam.marcus.ness.quite fun.went makan at dover with kim and ben.had hor fun.sat there for an hour or so.went great world city mc cafe after that.the cheese cake was reali yummy.tried the sample.kim and me were like drooling over it.haha.a slice of cheese cake and a cup of hot chocolate would make a good breakfast. thought alot about the things you said to me in the taxi.hmmmm.maybe i should.maybe i shouldnt.i really dont know.why must you treat me so well.you're only making me feel more guilty.really feel bad hurting you over and over again.wont do it anymore.give me the time i need to think over it. [g.s] kim.decided what i'm gonna do.i will tell him straight.dont want to drag this on anymore.dont want you to feel that way.but i'm afraid i will worsen things.i want me and him to remain as friends.but will that be possible after what i said? and ya.didnt go down to catch crab today cause of the rain.perhaps another day.okie.no mood to blog on further.feel rather tired.gonna hit the beds soon.feeling more troubled as ever. but deep down inside of me.he is still there. .:|emotion's a stir|:. `there is no finish line 6:38 AM Monday, November 24, 2003just woke up not long ago.still in the groggy state of mind.just gave simon a call.so later would be going down to changi beach at 3 plus to catch crabs.haha.my first ever part time job.would be like squatting at the mangrove swamp catching small crabs.the pay is quite okie.20 cent per crab.but i work more for the fun for it rather than just the pay lah.dont exactly feel happy.dont know why.hope it gets better as the day goes along.gotta go meet the rest for captain's ball.running late. || somebody needs you like never before . somebody wants your love baby open the door|| `there is no finish line 4:50 PM munching strawberries now.those big red juicy ones.hehe.yumyum. training's at fmps today.took 74.missed the feeling of going to school at dover.haha.fmps really bring back memories.still remember p3 that time whole day play catching at the assembly area before school starts.and me always rushing down to eat my favourite chicken rice.and also doing prefect duties with manuela at the staircase every alternate day.not forgetting volleyball trainings at the volleyball court.those carefree primary school days.miss them somehow. miss lee took us for physical today.did push ups.crunches.jumping jacks.leg lifts.mr goh taught us defending moves today.reali useful.but he got quite angry with us for not doing the drills well.kinda disppointed with my performance too.could have done better.sprained my right thumb.man.still hurts. went nessie house after training wiv karo and sherri.bathed there and we four went orchard.ness bought this black top at heeren.quite nice.met up with sirong.sijay.justin.alson at cine after that.wanted to catch matrix but no suitable time slots.settled for looney tunes back in action in the end.wasnt exactly nice.rather watch matrix.went back to heeren to take neos.took 2 times.one with the guys and one without.turned out rather okie.haha.went far east to eat dinner with nessie.had yakitori lunchbox.yum. hmm.felt quite happy today.had fun going out.bought vertical horizon's album 'Go' at holland v the other day.listening to it now.really nice.particularly love track number two 'i'm still here'.cool.hehe there's lots going on my mind now.feel trapped.trapped in my own thoughts.trying to save what's left of my heart and soul.i love him.i really do. I found the pieces in my hand They were always there It just took some time for me to understand You gave me words I just can't say So if nothing else I'll just hold on while you drift away Cause everything you wanted me to hide Is everything that makes me feel alive CHORUS: The cities grow the rivers flow Where you are I'll never know But I'm still here If you were right and I was wrong Why are you the one who's gone And I'm still here I'm still here You've seen the ashes in my heart You smile the widest when I cry inside and my insides blow apart I try to wear another face Just to make you proud Just to make you put me in my place But everything you wanted from me Is everything that I could never be (chorus) Maybe tonight it's gonna be alright I will get better Maybe today it's gonna be okay I will remember I held the pieces of my soul I was shattered And I wanted you to come and make me whole Then I saw you yesterday But you didn't notice You just walked away Cause everything you wanted me to hide Is everything that makes me feel alive (chorus) The lights go out the bridges burn Once you go you can't return But I'm still here Remember how you used to say I'd be the one to run away But I'm still here I'm still here `there is no finish line 4:17 AM Sunday, November 23, 2003okie.back to blogging.feel so refreshed now.just had a bath.yep.haha.got so worried yesterday.cause i post my entry and it didnt appear on my bloggie.then in the end ben had to help me do up everything.man.he did until 1 plus.feel so bad.thanks a lot a lot a lot k.really appreciate it. didnt had a good night's sleep.turned in at about 12 but in the end slept at 2.hmm.kept thinking.toss and turn.cant get myself to sleep.then early in the morning my mum came into my room and ask me to go help her out at her shop.man.so sleepy and tired.dragged myself outta bed.had a quick glance at my moo moo clock.7:17.seven.seventeen.haha.had this silly smile.felt better almost immediately.seventeen.my fave number.hehe.little things like this in life really cheers me up.wonder why. was busy the whole morning.collect bills.check stocks.serve customers.all the way to 1.30.ya then came home and started blogging.yup.gotta go off real soon.meeting kim at coffeebean at 3.30 for coffee. oh ya and the poem i mention yesterday.here it is. 'Him' Memories like open yellow pages of an old book covered with dust flooding my mind like a river of running water. I see us, the old us. Laughing and having fun. Together. My eyes swelled with tears. I kept my chin up to contain them. They threathened to overflow. I held my chin higher. From a distance, into my blurred vision swam a face. A familiar face. His face. Smiling. Thoughts raced my mind. He's back. Or so I thought. Hurriedly I rubbed my eyes. I had to see for myself. Gone. Staring into blank space. He isnt there, never was there. Imagination. just wild imagination. Emptiness. A sudden sigh. Deep in thoughts of him. Once again. -for someone i miss- by me.crankymin. penned at coffeebean.201103.1.34pm. `there is no finish line 3:04 PM okie.back to blogging.feel so refreshed now.just had a bath.yep. haha.got so worried yesterday.cause i post my entry and it didnt appear on my bloggie.then in the end ben had to help me do up everything.man.he did until 1 plus.feel so bad.thanks a lot a lot a lot k.really appreciate it. didnt had a good night's sleep.turned in at about 12 but in the end slept at 2.hmm.kept thinking.toss and turn.cant get myself to sleep.then early in the morning my mum came into my room and ask me to go help her out at her shop.man.so sleepy and tired.dragged myself outta bed.had a quick glance at my moo moo clock.7:17.seven.seventeen.haha.had this silly smile.felt better almost immediately.seventeen.my fave number.hehe.little things like this in life really cheers me up.wonder why. was busy the whole morning.collect bills.check stocks.serve customers.all the way to 1.30.ya then came home and started blogging.yup.gotta go off real soon.meeting kim at coffeebean at 3.30 for coffee. oh ya and the poem i mention yesterday.here it is. 'Him' Memories like open yellow pages of an old book covered with dust flooding my mind like a river of running water. I see us, the old us. Laughing and having fun. Together. My eyes swelled with tears. I kept my chin up to contain them. They threathened to overflow. I held my chin higher. From a distance, into my blurred vision swam a face. A familiar face. His face. Smiling. Thoughts raced my mind. He's back. Or so I thought. Hurriedly I rubbed my eyes. I had to see for myself. Gone. Staring into blank space. He isnt there, never was there. Imagination. just wild imagination. Emptiness. A sudden sigh. Deep in thoughts of him. Once again. -for someone i miss- by me.crankymin. penned at coffeebean.201103.1.34pm. `there is no finish line 3:04 AM Saturday, November 22, 2003hey there.haha.jus got started wiv my blog.hmm.firstly must thank nessie and lover.thanks for guiding me along ya.kae.i got lots to say about today. firstly.got up and had a slight fever plus sorethroat.didnt go for training anyway its already 7.45.hahaha.slacker.but still went down for captain ball.was quite fun lah.just that lover got quite pissed off and left.she cried.wonder if she is alright.then mel and kim got a little siao.they started doing the great singapore workout.in a cranky way that is.haha. when holland after tad.wiv jon.xinyi.shahidah.ben.kim.had burger king.ate mushroom swiss.yum.played zhong ji mi ma.and loser had to do dares.man.i kana 5 times!.freak.all thanks to jon.keep sabo-ing ben and me.had to kiss ben on the cheek!thats the most paiseh one man.took me so much courage.had to hold his hand too.man they're huge.haha.the rest were no better anyway.shahidah had to call Aruthur and tell him she loves him [by the way she really does].jon had to confess his love to xinyi.kim had to do frog jumps.ben had to do those things they made me do to him back to me.feel like strangling them man.haha.nevermind. took cabbie back with kim and ben.there was this awkward silence in the cab.got off at my house first.kim came along too.had been online chatting since 8. and now its like 11.20.feeling kinda tired.oh ya i wrote a poem the other day.entitled 'him'.too lazy to type it out now so will do it another day.perhaps tomorrow ya.okies.i'm really sleepy.gonna log off now.and go grab strawberries! yeah.dont know why but recently had a craving for them.i have like 4?5? boxes in my fridge.haha.k.byeee talked to ya today.felt happy.real happy. `there is no finish line 9:04 AM |