; you inflicted what seem a fatal wound-

Wednesday, December 31, 2003

311203.last day of the year.looking back at my year puts a smile on my face.theres been ups and downs.laughter and tears.
-flashback.//

the year started off fine.been busy with intensive trainings for netball south zone compeitions.we did fine.came in top 4 in south zone.
sentosa cross country.came in 2nd.perhaps my glamourous moment.
5 days sri lanka trip.enjoyed so much.
2202.the day i said yes.
level camp at desaru.had so much fun.the team-bonding games and everything.especially the water-rafting activity.the activity where we either smile.shake hands.or hug the other person.hehe.it was a hand shake we had.but it was something more than just a handshake.it sent my heart beating wildly.
class bbq party at west coast park.haha.played soccer with the guys.had fun bbq-ing.climbing the pyramid.shijing's birthday cake was yummy too.haha.
then came the sars scare.rot at home.
report cuts two.daytona at cine.yoshiniya dinner.roti prata supper.late night sms.the start of everything.
a wrong message sent.probably my most embarrassing moment.
a week later.msn.confession?.cried.
0205.unofficial.
sean's birthday celebration at kfc holland.fun.
1705.official!
mid-years exams.what a flop.
june holidays.never been so happy ever.waiting for me after trainings.movies.shopping.dinner.everything.
1706.aroma incense.ice skating.=)
2106.the hulk.special moment.
my birthday celebration.theres no finish line.charlie angels lover seat.marche dinner.wonderful day.
school reopens.0107.dinner at holland after my training.
0207.my birthday!.beautiful presents.nationals resume.first match against dunman.lost.a bouquet of blue rose!appearance at netball centre.elated.bus ride home.sweet.dinner at dragon city with family.
0407.match against tanglin.lost again.he came.bus trip home.sweeet.=)
0607.streetwise run.breakfast at bugis.fun run.tattooed a name on my left arm.met up.took a cab together.[but dear.i craved your name in my heart]
a second time iceskating.funfunfun.
1707.volleyball national top 4 match.orchard.too fast too furious lover seat.devon aoki.quiksilver tee.handmade card.quiksilver carrabeana.cab ride home.splendid day.
0108.stupid me.
0208.puffy eyes.fiesta @ fairfield.walking around together during our free time.dinner at jec.prata and curry.
0308.chevrons chalet.cosy time together.swam at night.pathetic attempt to bbq.
0408.3am in the morning.heartbreak.
later half of august brought better days.our last days.
3108.talent time concert.macdonalds lunch.cant stop staring.out with kim halim and yi ren after that.
0109.late night phone call.the day my world came crumbling down.
0509.over.cried an hour in class.holding onto the letter the whole while.found it so hard to believe everything we had was just stamped with the word 'fake'.dinner at tanglin with edwin jiawei kim khoung eddy chia.felt slightly better?
rest of sep.just listless.what i thought was true and was holding on for turned out to be a pack of lies.problems came.add on to the burden.thought i could take it no more.on the verge of breaking down.
1010.start of exams.mugging time.was determined to make it to combi.1
1710.exams over.went out with girlfriends.spent a whopping 100 plus bucks at taka pasta cafe.shopping too.
2210.results out.did much better than mid years.
2610.best improvement award.all smiles.
0211.bintan trip.snorkelling.fishing.swimming.banana boat-ing.loads of fun.
0711.a long while since i felt so happy.talked on the phone.feels like the old us.
results out.made it to combi 1 history class.felt really glad.
holidays.just busy with trainings.shopping with gal pals.chill outs at coffee bean.stayovers with friends.oh yeah.
0412.netball chalet.sosososos fun!
0612.netball carnival.did okie.
nothing much for the rest of the month.just mindy having fun.=)

a word of thanks...

[afromonk.]
hey there.wanna thank you so much for helping me through my tough times.listening to me speak my heart and never fail to cheer me up.haha.valuable advices you gave too.thanks!still remember that pigging out session at sakae?.haha.and of course the time you went to shave your head at westmall and we three were laughing until we cant walk.had fun alright having you around.rock on.

[blur.king]
heys.well.thanks for being there for me always.cheering me up when i'm down.thanks for caring for me.learned a lot about life from you too.enjoyed working with you for the designing compeition.creative ideas you have.and also that time at the rooftop with moko.friends forever.=)

[chio.bu]
heys.you arh.forever push your duties to me when ms lee assigns you.haha.had fun staying over at your house.watching the scary movie and everything.your brother so cute can.enjoyed those orchard shopping we had too.neoprints we took.after training lunches.yupps.you rock girl.=)

[crazy.gal]
heyhey.my sitting partner about half a year.my classmate for 6 years.hee.we used to go swimming when we are young.calling each other everyday for chats.well.missed those times alright.haha.we tell our little secrets.who's our crush and everything.arghs.next year different class.but still keep in contact kays.well.enjoyed this year with you.always there for me.supporting me.cheering me up.hehe.thinking back really makes me wanna laugh.we would stand at the level 3 stairs landing and peeping through those little holes just to catch a glimpse of your someone.us walking back and forth just to wait for sec 3 dismissal.haha.will never forget your girlish giggle.love ya alright!

[elegant.elephant]
hey ber!whole day blur blur gong gong one.hehe.always copy here copy there during hcl ce yan.next year different class.gonna miss you alright.keep in contact kays=)

[eugana.]
heys!totally had fun with you alright.we would just chill out at the swings and stuff.and also our christmas eve together with tsemin.and us running from D block to the bookshop just to get thermos.haha.so much fun.finally got our revenge huh.lotr.hehe.and hey.i know how to spell your name alright.its E-U-G-E-N-E!!!=)

[froggie.]
halos!hehe we been through a lot huh.ups and downs.thanks for always being there for me alright.listening to me cry my heart out.forcing me to eat when i totally lost my appeitie for food that time.picking me up when i broke down and cried on the road that night.cheering me up when i felt so so down.spurring me on to go that extra mile.will always remember those sakae cheong-ing times.those crazy shopping sprees.those chill outs with ben and mel.those hell-wrecking times at my house.rock on gal.=)

[gege.]
hey gege!thanks for everything.really.hehe.thanks for always faxing your notes and homework over to me for me to copy.and listening to me cry my heart out over the phone from 9 plus 10 all the way to 3.always feel better letting it off my chest.do keep in contact still alright.=)

[gorilla.song]
hey boy boy.thanks for being the one who cares for me and looks after me the most.always sending me to my doorstep no matter how late it is.always never fail to make me smile.and always there for me to listen me out.enjoy being your friend.thanks for everything alright.haha.would never forget the terrible dares we did.chill outs we had=)

[horny xiaozhu.the other half of me]
hey.thanks for this year.the times i had with you were simply splendid.the happiest times in my life.really.you are what that makes my life special.you were the one who wiped away my tears when i cry.the one who i felt so comfortable being with.the one who i ever so look forward to see when i get to school.the one who goes the extra mile to make me happy.the one who never fails to make my day with his smile.love you always.

[little.monkey]
heyheys.xiao hou zi.enjoy working with you.a fabulous wing defence.looking forward to 2005 when we are in the same division again.cheers!

[lover.]
hey sweetie!thanks alot for everything alright.cheering me up.listening to me and stuff.really appreciate.and not to forget our shopping sprees and after school lunches.hehe.thanks for giving me that ever so reassuring hug when i'm down.and those kisses too.hehe.heres one for you.muacks!got it?hahaha.next year different class yet again.haiyos.but nevermind.continue to keep in touch through letters alright.love ya!~

[moko.father]
hey there moko!you're very much like a big brother to me.surely enjoyed those late-into-the-night conversations we had though i always fall asleep halfway through.haha.had fun having you around.those paperball throwing times.hahaha.always aim for my head!keep in contact alright=)

[mudpie.alert]
heyhey.thanks cheering me up whenever i'm down and your advices to help me through.really helps a deal.i promised you i'll stand strong.i will alright.thanks for the mudpie too.you seriously got me hooked on it now.haha.smiles=)

[mushroom.head]
hey ling.hi 5.next year same class again.hehe.you arh.whole day worry about your results.your pimples.your carrots.worry this worry that.relax gal.smile.would never forget your crish-shan-do laughter.haha.you rock.

[panda]
halos!hehe.forever joker one.had fun being with you.those lunches and church services.rock on gal.

[sally.gao de]
far beyond!haha.really enjoy being with you gal.from christmas eve at istana park to us jumping and singing at church.and also that time when we watched lotr.haha.legolas rocks!!so shuai right.oh my.we are obbessed with him.hehe.rock on gal.love ya alright=)

[sexy legs.700 free sms]
hey there.had fun being your sitting partner.i whole day never bring things one then borrow from you.haha.thanks for listening me out too.had fun having you around.haha.still remember us sitting by the roadside slurping cup noodles at 11pm.and me always snatching your discman from you.haha.by the way.i have some macdonalds koo-puns, you want?=)

[shadow.xiaohei]
heyhey sweetie.haha.everytime make fun of your skin colour one.so fun.oops.hehe anyways.had a great year with you gal.those neoprints we took.times we went out.and also after training lunches.and yes zhong ji mi ma!hahaha.a great goal attack who shoots very well.hope we make it to the school team next year alright.ah saos rock!=)

[sleeper.]
hey there.enjoy doing the home econs project with you.going ntuc buy stuff and cant differentiate between an onion and garlic.haha.thanks for everything ya.=)

[teh.susu]
hey gal! thanks so much for seeing me through me tough times alright.those letters you wrote and things you said to me.appreciate it.its so nice having you as my good friend.hehe.love ya gal.hugs~

[wen.yao]
hey cutie.hehe.love working with you as my goal defence.always hen you mo qi.but you arh.whole day make fun of my leg.arghs.you forever very cheerful.smile whole day.hehe.at first when you first came in to fmss i had to differentiate you and your sister by looking at your sport shoes.you got a nike one and she a fila one.haha.now i think you two look so different!hehe.looking forward to 2005.same division again.haha.then you.me.xinyi can rule the courts again!=)

[wonderful.M]
hey gal.my fellow M.really enjoy being with you.though sometimes can get quite siao.laugh non-stop.scary can.haha.love those chill outs we had at coffee bean and mc cafe.those after training lunches where we never fail to play zhong ji mi ma!hahaha.and oh yes.manhattan belongs to you!=)

[zhang.fan]
halos!haha.beat me by 1 second in the cross country run.another one whole day make fun of my leg.arghs.anyways.had a nice year with you.a superb goal attack.beautiful shots and runs.always find guarding you a very challenging task.well.still remember that time when we went sentosa for the national cross country training, walking when mr howe not looking and quickly run when he looks up.hahaha.slackers huh.smile ya!=)

`there is no finish line
2:00 PM

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Monday, December 29, 2003

gonna catch lord of the rings later.finally man.haha.watching the 2.40 one at westmall.with tsemin and eugene.revenge!.hope theres seats.
doing homework.the 80 vocab words thingie.yawns.in no mood to do it at all.but still.have to force myself huh.5 more days only.
feel terrible inside.arghs.i actually hurted someone so much.so so much.feel real bad.i dont want to.but the situation asks for it.seriously i'm afraid.i really am.i'm afraid i cant give you anything in the end.cant promise anything.you're nice.sweet.caring but my feelings overwrites everything.sorry for my words.harsh words i spoke.sorry to have you now in the state you're in.hate to see you like this.but i guess whats done is done.a million sorries wont do the trick.just want you to know that i've done that cause i dont want you to wait for someone who is waiting for another.i'm not worth it at the end of this all.someone else better.so much better is out there waiting for you.why waste your time and love on me.//made up my mind.firm on my decision.>>a billion sorries<<
he was online this morning.was so happy can.but it happens every single time.makes me wonder if its deliberate.why.why.why.
so looking forward each time.yet to find the door slammed at my face over and over again.disappointment fills me.reality flops_
-frown*

__miss you alright

`there is no finish line
12:17 PM

lord of the ring rocks.totally rocks.legolas is so0oo0o dashing can.he got me and tsemin mesmerised.each time the he appears on the screen both of us we like 'awWwWWw.so shuai!!'.oh man.we sounded so despo can.eugene was like laughing at us.so was the lady sitting beside me.and the two guys sitting behind us.hahaha.and when legolas killed the giant elephant.we both clapped hands.haha.overall the show was great.frodo looks cute too.love his blue eyes.yes blue eyes.tsemin kept insisting its green.haha.new zealand is totally beautiful man.the places lotr were shot were gorgeous.hills.lakes.plains.wanna go there some day.
went acrade after the movie.stupid eugene crashed me out during lap 7 and went on to win the daytona game.sly one.played the basketball shooting game too.we kept cheating.haha.shhh.there was this guy who came to ask my number.yucks.he reeks of cigarette smoke.tsemin and eugene happily carried on playing without helping me lohs.what the.gave him something like 90507021.and my name.candy.haha.
had sakae for dinner.yummy.had fun.we kept thinking of ways to slip out of sakae without paying the bill.well not we.its eugene!haha.
eugene bought this blueberry cake for his mum.its her birthday.haha.well.
happy birthday mrs lek!.though i dont know who she is.haha.
eugene and tsemin really lifted up my spirits.feel really happy.haha.had so much fun.we three would be going out again sometime soon.oh man.cant wait.=)
its aiko's birthday tomorrow.301203.she'll be officially 24 months old.went ntuc just now to buy her breakfast.got her four fish.chicken meat.[[pork]].so sumptuous right.haha.she's been having cat biscuits and canned cat food since she was born so i thought it was time to give her a nice treat.
seems to me that things arent really well for mel.gosh.hope shes alright.
tired.gonna have a nice warm bath and turn in soon.ta-ta!

-tomorrow!*
.:| LeGoLaS rOcKs...FrOdO tOo!! =) |:. ____LoTr RoTk.

`there is no finish line
11:02 AM

Sunday, December 28, 2003

not in any mood to blog somehow.
the world is like a complete mess right now dont you think so.with earthquakes.mudslides.landslides.chicken flu.mad cow disease.its kinda hard to think that we are here in singapore enjoying everything having everything we want and there are millions suffering out there.that thought kinda shakes me.scary aint it so.
a lesson learnt.
cherish what you have.
i really do.
-saddened
lover just broke up with her bf.glad she's alright.well.single.again.
my nails are back to black again.funk cool.

`there is no finish line
10:41 PM

haha.at chialing's house doing project now.with shijing and tsemin.went church service just now.was alright.went for lunch after that.met tsemin.nothing much to say.so ya.thats it.see ya.
listening to like glue by sean paul.

`there is no finish line
4:44 PM

not in any mood to blog somehow.
the world is like a complete mess right now dont you think so.with earthquakes.mudslides.landslides.chicken flu.mad cow disease.its kinda hard to think that we are here in singapore enjoying everything having everything we want and there are millions suffering out there.that thought kinda shakes me.scary aint it so.
a lesson learnt.
cherish what you have.
i really do.
-saddened
lover just broke up with her bf.glad she's alright.well.single.again.
my nails are back to black again.funk cool.

.:| well.missyou.likeialwaysdo |:. [[you*]] -TrY sO hArD jUs To sMiLe-

`there is no finish line
9:51 AM

Saturday, December 27, 2003

just got up.its 1110.my eye kinda hurts.think its my contacts.argh.
anyways.i packed my messy room yesterday.mass-cleaning.with kim's help.oh man.its like a pig sty can.haha.i found my long-forgotton diary.had a good laugh reading through it.haha.got kinda pissed with kim.she kept wanting to read my diary when i didnt wanna let her to.she even snatched it from me loh.i was like totally pissed.kept saying that its a very personal thing.but she just kept snatching.she read it in the end.well.not too happy about it.
had pizza hut delivery for dinner.haha.kim and i was playing hair moouse.spraying it on one and another.haha.she sprayed it on my face!.argh.hahaha.kim stayed at my house to catch the man u.nistelrooy didnt play.hais.nevertheless they won everton 3-2.kim's mum came to pick her up at 2am.sent her to the gate though i was really sleepy.
ness posted our neoprints on her blog.haha.so cool man.
going for church later with tsemin huizhen and kim.candice too.meeting them at choa chu kang mrt at 1.hmm.better hurry.
listening to hold on by good charlotte.starting to like the song.niceee.by the way.happy birthday bennett~!.haha.but the birthday boy is sick today.so suay right.fall ill on your birthday.take care alrights.
oh ya.i still gotta photocopy something for faith.oops.almost slipped my mind.ookies.better go.running late.see yas.

.:| hold on if you feel like letting go |:.

`there is no finish line
12:01 PM

Friday, December 26, 2003

woke up not long ago.took a long afternoon nap.yawns.still kinda tired right now.
kim's at my place.supposedly coming to do homework.haha.supposedly.
went to help out my mum this morning.dread.was so tired.went to buy the internal affairs vcd.watched 2 and 3 but not 1.looks kinda good though.
having pizza for dinner tonight.oh yeah.haha.
listening to dilemma by nelly now.cools.
feeling fine.not too happy though.wonder why.
-miss ya lots*

.:| a million sorries |:.

`there is no finish line
6:03 PM

Thursday, December 25, 2003

service was okie.sang songs.listened to the christmas message.tsemin was telling me all about her fun she had the night before.hehe.
went chinatown complex to have dinner after service with huizhen and kim.spent like 2 hours chatting.feels cool.huizhen left earlier.talked to kim most of the time.she was telling me all about her times with jiawei.everything.feels nice.
took 190 together.she started talking about the sad times.she got upset.did what i can.provide a listening ear.just giving her the encouragment and support.
kim.it hurts me to see you in this way.though everything isnt looking too good at the moment but dont give up on yourself kays.dont despair.give it time.give yourself time.you never know what the future holds.smile kays gal.would always be there for you.
eighth time today.man.i feel bad.bad.bad.real bad.arghs.hurt you yet again.hate myself.i thought maybe if i tried hard enough i could.just go shoot me.//i'm real sorry.
listening to now that you're near by hillsong.lovee it.
merry christmas everyone.met michael today.he excitedly told me how he spent christmas eve with his girlfriend.brought her to suntec.made a laser dedication at the fountain of wealth.then dinner at a posh restaurant.gave her a chanel perfume and sent her home.so sweet right.well he asked me did i spent it with mine.i was like erm no.i dont have one.just went holland starbucks with my family and spent the rest of the night doing my jigsaw puzzle.its always times like these when i wished you were here with me.really.
finished 'the bondmaid'.the ending was sad.Han died.particularly loved this part.here it is.
From the darkening sky, there fell large drops of rain.
'A storm's coming,' he said.'Let me carry you away.'
'No,'she said.'We'll meet the storm.'
The rain began to fall on them.She smiled and he knew she was thinking of the may storms of their joy and love, their wet union in mud and laughter by the pond.He tightened his hold on her, as much to fend off the intrusion of Spitface who who was throwing himself upon them in howling sorrow, as to conserve that last bit of life ebbing out of her.He held her for a long time afterwards and heard their love reverberate in the splendour of storm.

nice right.hehe.ookies.going off to do my jigsaw puzzle now.find it really interesting somehow.haha.all about p a t i e n c e.
merry christmas.see yas.

`there is no finish line
11:00 PM

going furama hotel now.church's christmas rally.arghs.think i'm real late.tsemin gonna scream.better hurry with this entry.
removed my black coated nails.thinking of changing it to a new colour.
listening to sean paul's like glue.rocks.
feeling happy.
miss ya.

.:| MeRRy ChRiStMaS |:.

`there is no finish line
12:50 AM

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

well.its 2 right now and guess what.i just woke up.haha.
today morning was really fun.its the best christmas eve i had man.haha.
went jec with tsemin and eugene.then met up with nabi and shilei.went harbourfront.waited for isabel.haha.had lotsa fun man.just joking around.went sentosa together.even more fun in the shuttle bus man.tsemin was telling me about the gospel of John.then eugene turn over and said 'huh?what sperm of John?'.haha.we laugh until sentosa man.
went to check out the chalets.all fully booked.we went to the beach then.sat there wondering what to do.haha.we left around 6 plus.rushed off for christmas rally.met up with huizhen and kim.went singapore conference hall.huizhen was telling all about her shanghai trip.haha.how she ate nothing but vegetables the whole time.haha.she's like missing meat like anything.
the christmas rally was boring.man.nearly slept.went lao pa sat for supper.huizhen kim and i shared barbequed fish.sweet and sour chicken.yumyum.sat there and yakked for the rest of the time.played zhong ji mi ma too.sooo fun.haha.tsemin eugene and i left at about 1 plus.took a cab down to cine to catch lord of the rings.reached there to know that we read the timings wrongly.its was 2pm instead of 2am.haha.walked down lonely orchard road.really quiet at night.checked the papers again then discovered that there's a 2.25am one at plaza singapura.we ran like anything man.got a cab.went down there.the person told us theres no movies that night.we checked the papers again.we read the 'tomorrow column'.arghs!.haha.we were laughing at ourselves so hard man.sat at the 7 level.said we wanted to catch the 9 am one early next morning.sat there and chat for about half an hour.most of the time just laughing at our stupidity.haha.
went instana park after that.just across the street.theres this big pond there.we took off our slippers and jumped inside!it wasnt too deep.knee level.was playing with water.just have fun.felt like kids.haha.
we spent the rest of the morning at the pond.from 3 all the way to 6.didnt sleep all night.took tons and tons of pictures on tsemin's 7250.eugene tsemin and me.took like nearly fifty?.hahaha.did lots of stuff too.laughing the whole way.had whole load of fun man.haha.
went home at 6 plus when the mrt service resumed.we three pigs slept on the mrt.tired from last night's fun and play.was really worn out.dropped at jurong east with eugene.took a bus home.slept the whole bus ride.reached home around 8.collasped on my bed the moment i got into my room.slept till 2.oh well.we three decided to catch lord of the rings this friday.must check the papers properly this time.haha.sweet revenge.
received a christmas card today.from chialing.so sweet.theres this really nice card she made.in an apple shape.came together with a woven keychain.thanks chia!
a christmas present too from someone too.wrap in glittery pink wrapping paper.its a me to you bear!soo cute man.with five roses in its hands.soft soft one.and a card with it too.but its empty besides for the words 'for someone special this christmas with lotsa love'.haha.oh man.thanks so much my boy boy.pleasantly touched.
ookies.still feeling tired now but the fun we had last night puts a smile on my face.haha.going over now to my grands for the christmas lunch.so till then.see yas.

`there is no finish line
8:20 PM

well.its 2 right now and guess what.i just woke up.haha.
today morning was really fun.its the best christmas eve i had man.haha.
went jec with tsemin and eugene.then met up with nabi and shilei.went harbourfront.waited for isabel.haha.had lotsa fun man.just joking around.went sentosa together.even more fun in the shuttle bus man.tsemin was telling me about the gospel of John.then eugene turn over and said 'huh?what sperm of John?'.haha.we laugh until sentosa man.
went to check out the chalets.all fully booked.we went to the beach then.sat there wondering what to do.haha.we left around 6 plus.rushed off for christmas rally.met up with huizhen and kim.went singapore conference hall.huizhen was telling all about her shanghai trip.haha.how she ate nothing but vegetables the whole time.haha.she's like missing meat like anything.
the christmas rally was boring.man.nearly slept.went lao pa sat for supper.huizhen kim and i shared barbequed fish.sweet and sour chicken.yumyum.sat there and yakked for the rest of the time.played zhong ji mi ma too.sooo fun.haha.tsemin eugene and i left at about 1 plus.took a cab down to cine to catch lord of the rings.reached there to know that we read the timings wrongly.its was 2pm instead of 2am.haha.walked down lonely orchard road.really quiet at night.checked the papers again then discovered that there's a 2.25am one at plaza singapura.we ran like anything man.got a cab.went down there.the person told us theres no movies that night.we checked the papers again.we read the 'tomorrow column'.arghs!.haha.we were laughing at ourselves so hard man.sat at the 7 level.said we wanted to catch the 9 am one early next morning.sat there and chat for about half an hour.most of the time just laughing at our stupidity.haha.
went instana park after that.just across the street.theres this big pond there.we took off our slippers and jumped inside!it wasnt too deep.knee level.was playing with water.just have fun.felt like kids.haha.
we spent the rest of the morning at the pond.from 3 all the way to 6.didnt sleep all night.took tons and tons of pictures on tsemin's 7250.eugene tsemin and me.took like nearly fifty?.hahaha.did lots of stuff too.laughing the whole way.had sooo much fun man.haha.this is the best christmas eve i ever had.
went home at 6 plus when the mrt service resumed.we three pigs slept on the mrt.tired from last night's fun and play.was really worn out.dropped at jurong east with eugene.took a bus home.slept the whole bus ride.reached home around 8.collasped on my bed the moment i got into my room.slept till 2.oh well.we three decided to catch lord of the rings this friday.must check the papers properly this time.haha.sweet revenge.
received a christmas card today.from chialing.so sweet.theres this really nice card she made.in an apple shape.came together with a woven keychain.thanks chia!
a christmas present too from someone too.wrap in glittery pink wrapping paper.its a me to you bear!soo cute man.with five roses in its hands.soft soft one.and a card with it too.but its empty besides for the words 'for someone special this christmas with lotsa love'.haha.oh man.thanks so much my boy boy.pleasantly touched.
ookies.still feeling tired now but the fun we had last night puts a smile on my face.haha.going over now to my grands for the christmas lunch.so till then.see yas.

`there is no finish line
3:10 PM

Monday, December 22, 2003

sleepy eyes.messy hair.just got up.feeling sleepy still.yawns.
went over to my grands place yesterday.cause its dong zhi.the tang yuan eating festival.had a bowl of traditional peanut tang yuan.was rather nice.had dinner there too.
spent the whole two hours catching up with my cousins and aunts.my cousin Kimberly got posted to Kranji.i kept asking her to appeal into Fairfield.persuading her saying Fairfield's soo good.this and that.haha.i think she's gonna appeal today.hope she does get a place here.
played with twinky too.my aunt's white cat.she's grown so big liao.the last time i saw her she was just a mere kitten.she doesnt too like me i guess.scratched my hand thrice.sharp nails huh.ouch.
got home.spent the rest of the night reading 'the bondmaid'.was totally engrossed.love that book to bits man.still got 100 plus pages to go.caught the replay of the man u match on espn too.thought nistelrooy's goal was rather tyco?deflection of the defender's foot.pure luck.read till 12.decided it was time to sleep.put the book down and tuck myself to bed.said my prayer to God.sometimes i wonder if God ever does get tired of listening to my prayers.every night i repeat almost the same thing as the night before.pray for my sister's flu.pray for my family's well being.pray for all my friends' well being.pray that foxy gets into 4H.pray that kim will get a place in Fairfield.pray that my cough would get better.pray specially for him.for his health.well being.happiness.safety.sometimes i imagine God up there in heaven with his cheek rested on the palm of his hand and a frown on his face looking down on me with that 'hey mindy.are you done with your prayer' look.haha.i dont know why but i take a really long time saying my prayers.like 10 plus minutes?but there's really too many things i want to thank Him for and want Him to bless.well.God.be patient with me alright.
there's a christmas rally service in church later in the afternoon.would be going down together with tsemin and kim.should be going to sentosa with tsemin after the service.our class is having a stayover there.just pitching some tents and camping there i guess.haha.kinda excited.
2 more days to Christmas!!just received a christmas card early this morning.its from weeling.thats really sweet of her ya.would be have a traditional lunch on christmas eve at my grands.roasted turkey and logcake that kinda thing.yupps.7 more days to aiko's birthday.she'll be 24 months old on the 30th.i wonder what to get her.cant get her a birthday cake right.cats dont eat cakes.besides she'll already very fat.haha.i'll see lahs.10 more days to the start of school.i miss school.wanna go back soon.but the thought of my homework that's still piling in my room turns off the thought.arghs.homework.
alright.my kitchen is as usual empty.and i have to go out and settle my breakfast.yet again.well i'm off to pack my bag for the stayover at sentosa now.so see yas.
-miss you lots.take care alright*//ayevol

.:| another sleepless night. thought back to those times again. times you cared for me. times you stood up for me. times you loved me. times that i'll never forget |:.

`there is no finish line
4:04 PM

Sunday, December 21, 2003

yawns.got up not long ago.freak.i missed the match yesterday.arghs.wonder whats the score.
well.my kitchen is practically empty so would be going out for breakfast.perhaps coffee bean at fifth avenue.love the salmon mushroom quiche on their menu.hehe.yummy yumyum.
my throat hurts.have been coughing non stop since i got up.terrible.hope it will get better huh.
just checked out the man u website and oh yes! man u won 2-1.nistelrooy scored!!hehehe.so pro right.oh well he always is.-grins.haha
okies going out for breakfast liaos.feeling haapppyyyy today.
see yas

.:| size40iceskatingshoes.blackgloves..[youtaughtmetoskate.youweretheretoholdmewhenifall.iheldontight.causeitsonlyinyouifeelsecure]..size39iceskatingshoes.green.pinkgloves|:.

`there is no finish line
4:55 PM

having duck rice right now.da bao it home.the brown paper in which the duck rice is in is spreading over my keyboard.making it rather hard to type.i have a small computer table lah huh.no space to put it.haha.
woke up early this morning.went for church.Harvester Assembly of God.service was at the golden village i-max theatre in great world city.the air con was really cold.was freezing.well.we sang songs of worships.lots of them.me tsemin and kim got so enthu when we were singing that we were jumping and jumping.hahaha.i really mean jump ya.so fun man.and i made a lot of new friends too.candice.chow in.jasmine.faith.belastier.derek.bee lian.jie ling.priscilla.had lunch at kfc with them after service.chatting joking around.feels nice.
went orchard with tsemin and kim after that.far east.heeren.they two keep bullying me can.end up chasing them around hmv.three goons running up and down the hmv escalators.erm thats us.
got home.kinda feeling tired.and oh ya.the man u match wasnt last night its tonight.haha.wrong info.would be staying up to watch.against tottenham.hope its a win.hope nistelrooy scores.hehe.
listening to feeling this by blink 182.loveee that song.rocks.
feel happy today.hehe.i think its because of him.just the thought of him makes me smile.missing him lots.really hope he's alright.hope he's taking good care of himself.its cold out there.hope he's enjoying himself.really hope he is.
its 21st today.and that means exactly one more month before my hongkong trip!.hehe.i'm excited.with all the shopping and tim sums.haha.actually went hongkong once before.when i was i think primary 3 or 4.cant really remember anything.i just know i loved the wanton mee there.yummy!also remembered the neons lighted signboards that were everywhere.haha.
kinda tired ya.i'm gonna rest now.
see yas.
-take care.miss you*

.:| hold me in Your arms. never let me go. i wanna spend the eternity with You |:.

`there is no finish line
10:25 AM

Saturday, December 20, 2003

went for dinner with my mum.dragon city restaurant.was messaging over the dinner table.three people at one time.kept typing and typing.she was pissed with me.just slam her chopsticks on her table.argh.i feel bad.said sorry but she simply looked away.hais.my guilt is eating me up.how?
my bills are dying.whole day messaging.this have to stop man.i dont wanna lose my handphone.again.limit myself.i'm way past my 900 free sms mark.f r e a k !
just saw tsemin through her webcam.haha.she looks cute with that hairband on her head.haha.tell her but she dont believe.really cute lohs!
theres man u match today night at 12.can see my van nistelrooy again.yupps.dashing cool.look forward.but hope i dont fall asleep like i always do.already feeling sleepy.somemore tomorrow still must wake up early for church.
okies i'll go catch a short nap so at least got energy to watch the match later.see yas.

-thinking of you.simply miss you*

.:| so lost in my thoughts. so lost in my thoughts of you |:.

`there is no finish line
10:42 AM

went to help my mum with her business today.quite busy.pack stocks.serve customers.dead tired.
had this yong tau foo for lunch.heard it's kinda famous.quite delicious i must say.the fish meat that they used to stuff into the tau pok is good.the soup base is nice too.the guo tiao also very yummy.aiyoh.why am i saying all this.haha.like helping them to advertise like that.haha.okie.crapping again.by the way it's hakka yong tau foo at the clementi central market.do try.oh well its not like they're paying me advertising fee right.okie.cut the crap.
i'm feeling a little bored now.listening to everytime i look for you by blink 182.catchy.i'll go do the english bookreview in just a while.kinda in the mood to do homework now.haha.thats weird of me alright.

-seek out a star. hold on to the end*

.:| sometimes i wish that i could run away.sometimes i wish i just had something to say |:.

`there is no finish line
12:35 AM

Friday, December 19, 2003

went mac for breakfast this morning.had a weird craving for the turkey ham egg and cheese bagel.yumyum.simply heavenly.together with warm hashbrown and iced milo.what more can i ask for.
met kim at cityhall.went christmas shopping.so fun.went citylink.marina.suntec.raffles place.mostly window shop.but i have in mind the things i wanna get for my close friends.and also things i wanna get for myself.haha.gonna pamper myself this once.
p i g l e t.i have this sudden liking to piglet.you know the winnie the pooh friend.the really cute pink one.yupps.i'm damn fond of it.find it really cute.obsessed?.around there i guess.i saw this really really cute piglet soft toy at the winnie the pooh fair at raffles.rather ex.had to put it back to the shelf.
laughed a lot.kept cracking jokes with kim.oh yeah.saw the ju on 2 trailer.its freaky.going to catch the ju on marathon with my girlfriends i guess.27 dec.gonna have a great time screaming our lungs out man.hahaha.
feels fine today.had a nice day in all.
i hate to see you this way.suffering and suffocating yourself in your own thoughts.i know you're going through a lot right now and everything seems so gloomy.but well.cheer up kays.things will turn out just fine.thanks for listening me out.will bear in mind your advices.yupps.i'll be strong.thats a promise.you too kays.smile. //to.someone.who.loves.holdon.by.GC.
okies.i cant wait to go read my 8 days now.theres a special write up on the lord of the rings return of the king characters as well as the movie itself.so yupps.guess i'll end this here.see yas.

-miss you still.counting the days till i see you again.
.:| aku cinta kamu..[GrEeNbAbYiTcHyMoNsTeR]...sarang haeyo |:.

`there is no finish line
10:41 PM

just got up.feeling sleepy still.stayed up rather late last night to finish a chapter of 'to the edge of the sky'.a new book.
craving for macdonald's breakfast right now.wanna have their turkey ham.egg.and cheese bagel.simply heavenly.well.gonna have a bath and head down straight to king albert park.just cant wait.
so for now.see yas.
somehow.the feeling just gets stronger.

.:| you raise me up to more than I can be |:.

`there is no finish line
9:23 AM

just got up.feeling sleepy still.stayed up rather late last night to finish a chapter of 'to the edge of the sky'.a new book.
craving for macdonald's breakfast right now.wanna have their turkey ham.egg.and cheese bagel.simply heavenly.well.gonna have a bath and head down straight to king albert park.just cant wait.
so for now.see yas.
somehow.the feeling just gets stronger.

.:| you raise me up to more than I can be |:.

`there is no finish line
9:15 AM

went mac for breakfast this morning.had a weird craving for the turkey ham egg and cheese bagel.yumyum.simply heavenly.together with warm hashbrown and iced milo.what more can i ask for.
met kim at cityhall.went christmas shopping.so fun.went citylink.marina.suntec.raffles place.mostly window shop.but i have in mind the things i wanna get for my close friends.and also things i wanna get for myself.haha.gonna pamper myself this once.
p i g l e t.i have this sudden liking to piglet.you know the winnie the pooh friend.the really cute pink one.yupps.i'm damn fond of it.find it really cute.obsessed?.around there i guess.i saw this really really cute piglet soft toy at the winnie the pooh fair at raffles.rather ex.had to put it back to the shelf.
laughed a lot.kept cracking jokes with kim.oh yeah.saw the ju on 2 trailer.its freaky.going to catch the ju on marathon with my girlfriends i guess.27 dec.gonna have a great time screaming our lungs out man.hahaha.
feels fine today.had a nice day in all.

i hate to see you this way.suffering and suffocating yourself in your own thoughts.i know you're going through a lot right now and everything seems so gloomy.but well.cheer up kays.things will turn out just fine.thanks for listening me out.will bear in mind your advices.yupps.i'll be strong.thats a promise.you too kays.smile. //to.someone.who.loves.holdon.by.GC.
okies.i cant wait to go read my 8 days now.theres a special write up on the lord of the rings return of the king characters as well as the movie itself.so yupps.guess i'll end this here.see yas.

-miss you still.counting the days till i see you again.
.:| aku cinta kamu..[GrEeNbAbYiTcHyMoNsTeR]...sarang haeyo |:.

`there is no finish line
6:43 AM

Thursday, December 18, 2003

had a warm nice bath.back to blogging.
went to lotsa places today.walked a lot.bought this disposable camera.snap here snap there.rather fun ya.
feeling fine.not that upset now.
perhaps looking at things from a different perspective helps.perhaps deceiving oneself helps.
be faithful by fat man scoop.blasting the music.just drowning myself from the world of reality.my reality.harsh reality.
-escape*

.:| on this one way street.no way out./deadend |:.

`there is no finish line
4:38 AM

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

just got out of bed.puffy eyes.cried a lot last night.read through the letters.love every single one of them.except the last one.050903.didnt finish reading that one.every sentence in there pierced deep into my heart.'...were just things i said to make you happy'.'....wont like her even if i forced myself to'.thought a lot last night.sat up on my bed till 2 plus.tried putting myself in his shoes.well.it isnt easy huh.having to force yourself to love someone.saying a whole load of stuff you never really meant them.having to carry the guilt all this while on your shoulders.it hurts to know i was actually putting the one i love through all this unknowingly.well.i have all myself to blame.thinking back,there were so many things i done that upset him.i didnt mean to.really.if only i could turn back time.perhaps it wouldnt change the final outcome but at least it would leave him with better memories.memories that are worth keeping for.
i miss you.miss your smile.miss your voice.miss your smell.miss your eyes.miss your love. //2330* -xiao.panda
listening to light in your eyes by blessed union of souls.its 09:03.gonna have a bath and go out soon.gonna do a special something for someone today.shhh.its my secret.hehe.see yas.

::and when the stars fall.i will lie awake.you're my shooting star::

`there is no finish line
4:18 PM

woke up early.quickly got dressed in a blue long sleeved top and a skirt.went for mrs seraphine tan shook fund and darryl tan's funeral at wesley methodist church.there were like tons of flower wreaths all over the church.inside.outside.found a seat in the hall.the service started on time.sang some songs of worships and listened to the pastor giving his speech.cried.felt real sad.cried even more when the slideshow of mrs tan was played.everyone was crying.real hard.
went to take a look at mrs tan's coffin.beige and silver.filled with flowers.mostly lilies.mrs tan looks rather peaceful.eyes shutted.claded in black and a pearl necklace.went over to see little darryl's coffin too.just a few step away from his mum's.his whole coffin was filled with toys.teddy bears.chu chu trains.darryl's face was a little disfigured though.
proceeded to mount veron hall where they were cremated.took a second look at their coffins again.this time with flowers.placed one on mrs tan's coffin and the other on little darryl's.white jasmine.cried.again.
life's really fragile.anything can just happen and it's just over.well.i do believe this is God's doing.God's deliberate act.i believe He wouldnt just take them away for no reason but He took them away cause He has other plans in mind for them.now mrs tan together with her son darryl are in God's arms and shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.they're truly blessed.
went plaza singapura to have lunch.went orchard after that.bought the mambo shirt i was eyeing for quite some time.it was on 30% discount.hehe.met kim at coffeebean after that.chatted.had hot chocolate and turkey melted cheese pita.yumyum.just got home.will be going out with my family for a movie.hmm.think we are catching internal affairs 3.did saw internal affairs 2 the last time round.was rather okie.
its the 17th today!!.yupps.s e v e n t e e n.my mind's drifting back to those months where we used to spend today together.the first time round we went ice skating.hehe.still can remember how you taught me to skate step by step.how you picked me up when i fell.still remember the black gloves and size 40 ice skating shoes you wore.still remember us skating to the middle of the ring playing with the white foam that fell from above.still remember the very tone you asked me 'dear.you tired?wanna take a rest?'.still remember you taking the aroma incense out of your pocket and say 'dear.happy first anniversary' with that lovely smile on your face.i cant bear to use the it even till now.keep it safe in my drawer.
too fast too furious.watched it at cine after the volleyball match on the second.really enjoyed.took a cab home together.still remember the way you smile and said 'happy second anniversary dear' at my table during recess.still remember what you wrote in my diary on that very day.
moo moo clock on the third.and that really sweet handmade card.beautiful.so so happy.really.
well the fourth.didnt make it to it.only wish we did.12 days short.
these memories still lies fresh in my mind till now.everything we did.said.done.i treasure them.cherish them.they mean so much to me.
today.supposed our 7th.

.:| miss you.love you.like i never did before |:.

::though upset it's over but really grateful and happy that it happened::

`there is no finish line
3:49 AM

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

just got out of bed.had a fever last night.together with a sorethroat.running nose.cough.my headache was better after popping those panadols.arghs.i hate that dryness and soreness that is at the back of my throat right now.feels really terrible.going to the doctor's later.hope i'll get better.
listening to if you steal my sunshine by lens now.nice song.not feeling too happy.perhaps its my condition.it can get quite frustrating having to blow your nose every now and then and coughing till your throat runs dry.
i had a dream last night.dreamed about him.its kinda funny in a sense.dont know how to put it.haha.but it's a happy dream.i think.
its tuesday today.16th.and oh great.i havent started a single bit of my homework yet.haha.slacker man.okie i ought to get it started today.must.
2 more days to the debut of lord of the rings the return of the king.gonna catch it with karo when she gets back from australia i think.9 more days to christmas.hohoho.well wonder how i'm gonna spent it this year.its so nice walking down orchard road enjoy viewing the christmas lightings with the one you love and have a really nice dinner at some restaurant after that.but oh well.i have no one.
feel like heading back to bed for some rest now.so yeah.see yas.

.:| mothers weep.child sleep.so much violence ends in silence.its a shame there's no one to blame for all the pain that life brings.if you will just take me. it might just complete me. and together we can make a stand |:.

::cause my heart is in your hands.dont you understand::

`there is no finish line
10:51 PM

just got out of bed.had a fever last night.together with a sorethroat.running nose.cough.my headache was better after popping those panadols.arghs.i hate that dryness and soreness that is at the back of my throat right now.feels really terrible.going to the doctor's later.hope i'll get better.
listening to if you steal my sunshine by lens now.nice song.not feeling too happy.perhaps its my condition.it can get quite frustrating having to blow your nose every now and then and coughing till your throat runs dry.
i had a dream last night.dreamed about him.its kinda funny in a sense.dont know how to put it.haha.but it's a happy dream.i think.
its tuesday today.16th.and oh great.i havent started a single bit of my homework yet.haha.slacker man.okie i ought to get it started today.must.
2 more days to the debut of lord of the rings the return of the king.gonna catch it with karo when she gets back from australia i think.9 more days to christmas.hohoho.well wonder how i'm gonna spent it this year.its so nice walking down orchard road enjoy viewing the christmas lightings with the one you love and have a really nice dinner at some restaurant after that.but oh well.i have no one.
feel like heading back to bed for some rest now.so yeah.see yas.

.:| mothers weep.child sleep.so much violence ends in silence.its a shame there's no one to blame for all the pain that life brings.if you will just take me. it might just complete me. and together we can make a stand |:.

::cause my heart is in your hands.dont you understand::

`there is no finish line
9:38 PM

just got out of bed.had a fever last night.together with a sorethroat.running nose.cough.my headache was better after popping those panadols.arghs.i hate that dryness and soreness that is at the back of my throat right now.feels really terrible.going to the doctor's later.hope i'll get better.
listening to if you steal my sunshine by lens now.nice song.not feeling too happy.perhaps its my condition.it can get quite frustrating having to blow your nose every now and then and coughing till your throat runs dry.
i had a dream last night.dreamed about him.its kinda funny in a sense.dont know how to put it.haha.but it's a happy dream.i think.
its tuesday today.16th.and oh great.i havent started a single bit of my homework yet.haha.slacker man.okie i ought to get it started today.must.
2 more days to the debut of lord of the rings the return of the king.gonna catch it with karo when she gets back from australia i think.9 more days to christmas.hohoho.well wonder how i'm gonna spent it this year.its so nice walking down orchard road enjoy viewing the christmas lightings with the one you love and have a really nice dinner at some restaurant after that.but oh well.i have no one.
feel like heading back to bed for some rest now.so yeah.see yas.

.:| mothers weep.child sleep.so much violence ends in silence.its a shame there's no one to blame for all the pain that life brings.if you will just take me. it might just complete me. and together we can make a stand |:.

::cause my heart is in your hands.dont you understand::

`there is no finish line
5:07 PM

well.just had my medicine.two tablets.skipped the cough mixture.again.tastes bitter.yuck.
went to renew my passport photo in the afternoon.had to queue and there was like 100 plus people in front of me.waited a looong time.went bugis after that.nothing much to shop.had dinner at itimsum.its like a timsum conveyer belt kinda thing.cool.went golden mile after that.got a pair of slippers there.its black with shimmering silver sequins.it was going for 8 bucks only.what a bargain.saw this really nice limited edition adidas shirt that i like.39 bucks.but its too big for me.didnt get it in the end.arghs.
happy.talked to him today.though it was only for a short short while.glad to know he's alright.well.the usual me missing him right now.but at least i've got something to smile about the rest of today.-grins
listening to you raise me up by josh groban.nice.i'm starting to love my black colour painted nails.haha.looks exotic.
okies.gonna do homework now.wah.suddenly feel so guai.haha.yupps.ta-ta.

[love.ya.lots]*
::now the sky shines a different kind of blue. and the neighbour's dog dont bark like he used to. well, me,these days i just miss you::

`there is no finish line
5:18 AM

just got out of bed.had a fever last night.together with a sorethroat.running nose.cough.my headache was better after popping those panadols.arghs.i hate that dryness and soreness that is at the back of my throat right now.feels really terrible.going to the doctor's later.hope i'll get better.
listening to if you steal my sunshine by lens now.nice song.not feeling too happy.perhaps its my condition.it can get quite frustrating having to blow your nose every now and then and coughing till your throat runs dry.
i had a dream last night.dreamed about him.its kinda funny in a sense.dont know how to put it.haha.but it's a happy dream.i think.hehe.
its tuesday today.16th.and oh great.i havent started a single bit of my homework yet.haha.slacker man.okie i ought to get it started today.must.
2 more days to the debut of lord of the rings the return of the king.gonna catch it with karo when she gets back from australia i think.9 more days to christmas.hohoho.well wonder how i'm gonna spent it this year.its so nice walking down orchard road enjoy viewing the christmas lightings with the one you love and have a really nice dinner at some restaurant after that.but oh well.i have no one.
feel like heading back to bed for some rest now.so yeah.see yas.

.:| so much violence ends in silence.its a shame there's no one to blame for all the pain that life brings.if you will just take me. it might just complete me. and together we can make a stand |:.

::cause my heart is in your hands.dont you understand::

`there is no finish line
4:27 AM

feeling outrageous.wanna do something i never done before.painted my nails b l a c k.haha.rather funky.hell yeah?

`there is no finish line
4:21 AM

Monday, December 15, 2003

down with a really bad headache now.man.my head hurts like anything.really painful.just got back from kallang.took a cab.perhaps its because i didnt take my dinner and my lunch was like all veggies?.was feeling terribly unwell after playing for just a while.this is the worst headache i ever had man.just pop two panadols.certainly hope it works.argh.feeling really sick.doubled up with that sorethroat of mine.freak.ending this here.heading for bed.

`there is no finish line
5:22 AM

Sunday, December 14, 2003

phew.just got back from the gym.kinda tired.was there for about two hours.ran forty minutes of trackmill.phew.had a great time though.together with ness.ben.shahidah.
went to have lunch.ate bean sprouts.long beans.cabbage.with rice.all veggies.ahs.do miss meat.and the worst thing is there's someone sitting beside me who keeps laughing at me when i eat.yes yes.being vegeterian for a week very funny right.argh.ah bish.
played puzzle bubble at the acrade.hehe.fun.but i'm lousy in it.went home after that.met jiawei on the way back.then later jon and marcus.took 154 together.chatted.had a warm bath and ya here i am.well.would be going out later.going kallang to play netball in the late evening.with mel.kim.sheranne.eve and the rest.mellow monday.been a while since i played netball as training stopped for quite a while so i'm rather looking forward.
well.i'm feeling weird today.i dont feel happy.neither do i feel sad.listening to limp bizkit's behind blue eyes.thinking of those days once again.i close my eyes.

.:| But my dreams they aren't as empty.as my conscious seems to be.i have hours, only lonely.my love is vengeance.that's never free |:.

::i cant stop these walls they keep caving in [save.me?]::

`there is no finish line
11:03 PM

just got back from dinner.had coca steamboat at taka.delicious.national table tennis player jing jun hong sat at the table next to ours.my dad wanted to go over and get her autograph at first.haha.then he didnt dare to.
spend the whole afternoon shopping.theres christmas sale everywhere.30%.50%.wah.shop till you drop man.my sis bought me this really nice baby blue mango top for christmas.and i bought her a tubetop she fancied from cube.saw lots of things i really liked.gonna start saving up man.theres this really cool pink mambo jacket.pinkish sweet.but its $99.and also this really niceee mambo shirt.its kinda dark green.$59.this really nice white ripcurl shirt too.seems similiar to another of my roxy one.$34.another brown ripcurl one.$32.and that quiksilver keychain.$15.oh my oh my.argh.cannot spend so much arh.must listen to his advice.must save.but christmas season.can i just spoil myself for once.this is sinful man.
everyone's talking about mrs seraphine tan shook fund's death.the fairfield methodist primary principal.its sad.she's still rather young.early 40s.died while trying to save her drowning son.sad case huh.she was my ex-vice principal during my p6 days.she's really nice.just saw her the other day when i went primary school for netball training.and now she's gone.well.life's so unpredictable ya.will be attending her service on wednesday.a final goodbye.
okies.guess i'm ending this here.
its cold there.take care.
miss ya.

.:| i try hard not to think about the pain i feel inside . do you know you used to be my hero? |:.

`there is no finish line
5:33 AM

Saturday, December 13, 2003

just got home after helping my mum with her business.dead tired.my contacts kept giving me problems today.my eye kinda hurts now.arghs.
nothing much today.just feeling a little bored.listening to carlifornication by red hot chilli peppers.cool song.decided to be a vegetarian the whole of next week.eat greens and nothing else.haha.like monk like that.edmonk.hahaha.oops.
have been pigging out quite a bit recently.gonna head down to the gym tomorrow morning.
okies.gonna have a nice bath now.going town with my sis.she's getting me my christmas present.haha.see yas.

.:| I was lying on the grass on Sunday morning of last week
Indulging in my self-defeat.My mind was thugged all laced and bugged all twisted wrong and beat.A comfortable in three feet deep.
Now the fuzzy stare from not being there on a confusing morning weak
Impaired my tribal lunar-speak |:.

:dont care if it's wrong or right . i'm still on your side:

`there is no finish line
9:45 PM

got up early this morning.went to help out my mum at her shop.dont know whats with me today.in a total daze the whole morning.the song 'only love' by trademark keeps ringing in my head.weird.was kept busy with the customers the rest of the morning.rather tired.walked past the coffeeshop we used to have dinner at when you pick me up after training.miss those times.really.
came home.within minutes,kim called.chatted for about an hour or so.talking about new arrivals.our day.guys.haha.the usual us i guess.
oh ya.saw this really cool nike shoes at the left foot yesterday.its really nice man.black and silver in colour.quite light.dont seem to be for sports though.more for walking i guess.i'm in love with it.but the price even nicer.129.ah.my mum just got me my nike air force 1 sneakers.dont think she'll get me this.went to ripcurl.stussy.quiksilver.couple of new shirts.rather nice.looks like i have to update my christmas wish list soon.hehe.

-Only.lOve-
2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're tellin me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say
try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough
if we learn to trust

(chorus)

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our last good-bye

(chorus)

.:| believe in the possibility of the impossible |:.

.-seveNteEn-.with all this pictures running through my mind.

`there is no finish line
12:25 AM

Friday, December 12, 2003

spent the whole morning reading my elle mag.totally engrossed in it.particularly love the 'whats in store for 2004'.theres movie previews.fashion.styles.so much more.they got me interested to catch the last samurai and troy which would be screening next year.flipping through the pages for a nice hairstyle.thinking of having a change.
went down orchard to have dinner with ben.saw my sis on her first day of work.she's working for the body shop.giving out flyers and candies at scotts.she's all dress in white with thick makeup.plus angel wings.oh my god.angel?you should see her when she uses the bolster to slam my face man.angel in disguise i should say.aawww.never the less she looks good though.but angel? no way.
going out soon to have supper with my family.having curry rice or something like that at serangoon.heard it's famous.gonna have a try.still rather full though.ah.nevermind.okies.i gotta go.ta ta

`there is no finish line
5:16 AM

Thursday, December 11, 2003

really full now.just went sakae for dinner.was pigging myself there.haha.
spent the whole afternoon at westmall.went there to search for my lost pouch.no where to be found.hais.will get a new one soon.spent most of the time just sitting there chatting with kim.talking about the past.days when I still felt alive.
seriously hooked on fruit tree fresh’s apple and aloe vera juice.its really good.
yupps.its confirmed.i will be leaving for hongkong on 210104.six days trip.reading the itinerary right now.ocean park.repluse bay.tsim sha tsui.victoria peak.and a train ride to Shenzhen too.hehe.so excited.
feel rather bored today.didnt do much.kept thinking about the past though.the times we had.the laughter we shared.the pain we had.everything.just everything.somehow find myself fall deeper and deeper for him.and there is no finish line.
kaes.going off to read my elle mag now.see ya.

.:| I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me,I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break |:.

-the light at the other end of the tunnel where you are isnt shining so very bright.but i just crawl my way through searching for the light-

`there is no finish line
5:12 AM

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

didnt blog last night.came home too late.around 11?yupps.so here's this.
supposed to meet kim at 11.she came only at 11.30.the usual her.had duck rice for lunch.watched brother bear.hmm.was kinda okie lahs.average i guess.wanted to get the nike tee i was eyeing for sooo long.but didnt in the end.
headed down to smu.took 173.alighted at the wrong stop.and argh.i lost my green pouch!!.man.why am i so forgetful nowofdays.one more item to add to my lost items list.freak.is there any pills out there to cure forgetfulness?
watched the b and c division guys' basketball match.thought they played rather well.rushed off to meet eddy and alvin.was terribly late.by 30 minutes or so?.took a cab to singapore conference hall.the fare was a killer.the guys paid for it.not me.haha.it was a exact place band held their concert in last year.chinese high string orchestra was fantastic.violins.cellos.perfect.totally mesmerised.the tanjong katong girls string ensemble was not as good as compared.but still did enjoy.
went 7-11 to have supper.slurping up cup noodles.went home in a cab.totally broke.had only 50 cents on me.sis was at the gate with 15 bucks for my cab fare.she made me nutella bread for supper along side with stawberry kiwi flavoured snapple.how sweet.was messaging on bed till i fell asleep.

today's the 11th.gosh and know what.i hardly touched my homework a single bit.okieokie.gotta start real soon.real real soon.like now?erm no.perhaps tonight or something.going out now.see yas.

.:| you're why i smile; you're still why i smile |:.

//.wondering how ya getting along there.miss you.lots

`there is no finish line
4:45 PM

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

had breakfast at macdonalds.met kim at coffee bean.spent the whole afternoon chilling out there.just chatting about whats happening in our lifes.how we're feeling and stuff.man cried.oh well.life's never a bed of roses.
not really in the mood to do anything today.feeling down.hope it gets better tomorrow.
missing you.

.:|| onehundredandtwentyeightdaysofhappiness.alifetimeofregrets ||:.

-iclosemyeyes.andalliseeisyou.iclosemyeyes.itrytosleepicantforgetyou.nanananananana.andi'ddoanythingforyou-

`there is no finish line
4:38 AM

Monday, December 08, 2003

went mac for lunch with nengyi and vic.vic gave me this cute blue doggie plush soft toy for christmas.went to play badminton at clementi sports hall.was rather fun.didnt play for quite a while.kinda rusty already.haha
rushed off to meet tsemin and kim at king albert park.went cold storage to get a drink.stole this sticker i saw on the bitter gourd packaging.'BITTER GOURD MIN.$1.14'.found it cool.pasted it on the back of my handphone.hehe.
went smu to catch the basketball guys in action.they won queenstown by 2 goals.went to the canteen for dinner with kim.tsemin.jon.ben.we kept suaning ben about him scoring only one point.haha.guess he's kinda pissed.
today was fine.nothing much.sometimes i stop and think.keep asking myself why did things turn out this way.even if we were older.it wouldnt change a thing.cause what you thought you had for me was just something you forced yourself into believing.wasnt real.that hurts.

.:| am i just another shell on the beach. am i just another coral in the sea. am i just another fish in the sea. is it just another you another me? |:.

:crowded citylink.busy afternoon.walking hand in hand.approaching the escalator.niu asked zhu 'dear.do you think we would make it to our 17th anniversary?'.zhu smiled.and almost immediately replied 'of cause we would dear.dont you think so?'.niu smiled too.and said 'yeah.we would.lets make it happen k?'zhu nodded.at this point of time.both zhu and niu smiled.and continue walking:
//really thought we would.

`there is no finish line
6:28 AM

Sunday, December 07, 2003

heyy.have not been blogging for what seem years and i've got lotsss to say.so do bear with me ya.
the netball chalet was great man.had a whole load of fun there.we played amazing race around singapore.xinyi.jaclyn.me were in a group and we got 3rd in the end.not bad right.hehe.somemore we set off last.
our first clue was this.papa lives in sentosa.mama and child lives in a durian plantation.go to mama now.we first thought it was the esplande.we took mrt from tanah merah down to city hall and ran all the way the esplande.searched high and low but cant find anything.called the helpline.made our way to the merlion statue opposite the esplande.senior gladys and tiffany was there.assigned us to do a task in order to get the next clue.we had to go up to a stranger and get to know about his/her everything for 5 mins.was rather hard looking for one.everyone there was japanese.finally found one.she's a singaporean.really friendly.she happens to be a netballer too.hehe.after five minutes the seniors are supposed to ask us questions about them and if we fail to answer we will kana water bombs!.haha.didnt answer one.but marie kindly threw the water bomb at my feet.got our next clue.its this --> r.o.r.d.s.e.b. took a really long time to figure out this one.BORDERS.ran from esplande to orchard.and i really mean ran.
joycelyn was at coffee bean borders waiting.gave us the assignment.had to look for a book.the sissy duckling.and from the book we had to derive a codeword.took us less than 5 mins at this station.easy.joycelyn plus 10 marks for our enthu-ness and speed.hehe
next stop was taka.senior gladys was at the big open space near the water fountain.we had to go and perform a short song cum dance thingie for 3 minutes to 10 people.oh man.its so paiseh.somewhere gladys used pink lipstick to draw on our face.look so aaawwww.we did ba ba black sheep and london bridge.quickly rubbed off the lipstick after everything.there was so many people looking.
our next stop was chijmes.cityhall.stop over at burger king to take away lunch.sherlyn and serena were sleeping at chijmes when we got there.haha.there was this whole list of questions we had to answer in order to get out next clue.so hard.we three were like running all around chijmes for the answers.spent like an hour there.met ness group.so there was like some compeition between us.hahaha.they arrived later than us but left earlier than us lohs.they're really fast.
rushed off to holland village's starbucks.had questions like 'how many tables are there at the hawker centre'.'what is the brand of the cheapest cup noodles at cold storage'.'how much did two pieces of chocolate at the windmill cost'.didnt take us too much time at this station but was really tiring though.run.run.run
last stop.parco bugis water fountain.had to wear this stupid mask and take photos with 7 children in the middle of the fountain.everyone was like looking.this was the most paiseh task out of all man.somemore got ourselves all wet.was really fun though.haha.
went back to our chalet at safra tanah merah.it was nicely decorated for the seniors farewell party later in the night.had a bath and the dinner was great.did the little show for the seniors.had a little speech for them.emileen cried.seniors made them a handmade cushion.was really nice.emileen cried.hehe.
played uno for the rest of the night.hehe.had fun.went to the playground to play little.painted my nails white.turned in only at 3 plus.didnt have a good nights sleep.i was falling off the edge of the bed the whole time.6 people squeezing on 2 small beds.the night was terrible.had less than 2 hours of sleep.
checked out at 10.took a cab to tanah merah mrt station then mrt down to harbour front.me.mel.kim.ness.sherri.met up with sijay.justin.alson.sirong.ben.jon.frederick.sam.lover.went sentosa.had burger king.again.played volleyball.water monkey.touch rugby.the rain brought down the mood.
bathed at the public toilet.fell on my butt.man it hurts.went suntec for dinner.was really broke.ben treated me to subway.yum.went window shopping for a while.went home.

saturday.had training at narmanton park's netball court.played shooter!.hehe.rushed home after training.bathed.got changed.sis gave me a lift to dohby ghaut to meet ben.had brownies for lunch.watched love actually.its really cool.so funny.haha.its worth $8.50.went walking around ps.he bought me this really sweet heartshaped wand thingie from muee and a white nail polish from john little.went far east to have dinner.yakitori lunch box.yumyumyum.my favourite.painted ben's thumbnail.haha.disaster man.
my dad and my mum came to pick me up for supper.went serangoon.had curry rice.was nice.went home dead tired.watched the first half of the man-u vs aston villa match.my van nistelrooy scored two!.oops.sori again.not mine.messaged till i fell asleep.missed the second half.

sunday.netball carnival.played for both fmss 1 and fmss 2.was totally drained out.played wd.gd.gk.both teams didnt make it to the second round.we lost to st nic's by jus one point loh.and just because of that one point we cant make it through.freak.but it alright since we know we've put in our best.went taka to have yakitori lunch box.was straving like anything.he bought me a piece of chewy fudgy choco brownie.yum.went cine walk walk.he sent me home.

have been really forgetful recently.first it was my wallet.then my pouch.my shoebag.my slippers.my cooler.aiyoyo.

monday.today.woke up early.meeting vic and nengyi for a game of badminton later.i better go wash up and leave.getting late.till then.see ya.

listening to my immortal.it expresses how i feel.love it.

.:| all I do is think about you . I never did let go of what we were . cant pretend I’ll live without you |:.

its not that i feel anything for you. its simply because i cant afford to hurt you a second time round [get.me?]

`there is no finish line
5:05 PM

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

took 74 to fmps for training in the morning.silly me left my billabong wallet on the bus.arghs!.its like only less than two months old .and i really love that wallet so much.somemore there's my ez-link card.cash.talent time concert ticket.neoprints.paperhearts inside.hais.wish that a kind soul would pick it up and perhaps contact me or something.freak.why am i always so careless.had to survive on the 20 bucks ben lend me today.used my green pouch as a wallet.harmoko thought it was a pencilbox loh.haha.
training was quite fun.was allocated to fmss 1 together with sherri.ness.joycelyn.angela.serena.tiffany.gladys.jamie.did one-third court.a little messy here and there.wasnt really focused.i dont know why but my mind was else where.played game.fmss 1 against fmss 2.took gk.mr goh was really fierce today.kept scolding people.tiffany cried.i'm getting kinda excited about the carnival on sunday.wonder how would we fare.
went for lunch at westmall with kim.ben.lover.jon.frederick.had bk.the usual mushroom swiss.gobbled down my food.rushed off to jurong east to meet up with the rest.was late.1.45.went west coast park with tsemin.nabi.joce.elisabeth.sean.sam.harmoko.eddy.alvin.eugene.had great fun there.climbed the paramid.sat the flying fox.the spinning thingie too.had a fun time sitting at the big net and just yak away.about soccer.pck.our lifes.school.felt really nice.went jec jap restaurant for dinner.had chicken teriyaki bento set.wasnt exactly nice.went home.took 66.mum nagged.again.
felt happy today.really happy.enjoyed myself.had a great time catching up with the rest.but me losing my wallet spoils everything.freak.
looking forward to tomorrow.going for the netball chalet at tanah merah safra.meeting ness and the rest for breakfast at clementi before making our way down.kaes.gotta go pack my stuff for the chalet.wont be blogging till i get back.byeeeee.

.:| its there but you arent |:.
______staring into blindly into space.getting up to splash my face.wanting just to stay awake.wondering how much I can take

:cause i really love you but it just hurts me so much to know what we had wasnt true.its just like stabbing my heart over and over and over and over again:

`there is no finish line
5:24 AM

Tuesday, December 02, 2003

met tsemin.eileen chua.kim at clementi mrt station early today.had mac breakfast.went down to nan hua sec to play captain's ball.fairfield vs nan hua.on the fairfield side we have mel.kim.tsemin.eileen.ben.me.geraldine.sherri. thrashed them.had so much fun.haha.went tanglin to have lunch with kim.ben.mel.tsemin after that.had tom yam noodles!.two thumbs up.yumyum.we five sat there and chat for about three hours.hehe.soo fun.tsemin was telling all of them the 2B stories.right from the chalets to mr siew lessons.not forgetting all the productions too.haha.kept laughing.
went tiong bahru's coffee bean with mel.kim.ben. had hot chocolate and cheesecake.continued to yak.yak.and yak.till about 6 plus.went clementi pasar malam with kim.bought a new handphone cover.its all white.but i dont like the keypads.very or-biang.gonna have them changed soon.theres lots at the pasar malam there.walk walk walk like never ending like that.kim and i bought friendship bands.we tied it on each other's right ankle.she help me tie mine and i tied hers.looks nice.its blue in colour.one buck only.cheap.
got home.bathed.started blogging.haha.my sis car lang-ga.this pick-up truck rammed into her engine.she was really pissed man.her face was like totally black.its kinda out of shape.guess she's getting a new car soon.arghs.its only the second day of the month and my messages choked up to a hefty 651 messages!!!.man.if this goes on my handphone would be confiscated.cannot cannot.must limit myself.
dread.there's training tomorrow.8.gotta get up early.miss lee would be telling us who's in who's team tomorrow.the line ups and stuff for the carnival this sunday.kinda excited.hope we do well for the carnival this time round.the last carnival was pathetic.aiya.dont talk about it.only won one out of five games can.this sunday must at least win two.or least i really go bang my head against the wall.
felt happy today.had so much fun.
chucking those thoughts at the back of my mind.dont wanna go think about them.hurts.looking forward to tomorrow.hope this gets better.

.:| as time goes on I realize just what you mean to me.and now that you’re near . promise your love that I waited to share.and dreams of our moments together.colour my world with hope of loving you |:.

_________________________well I can tell myself I never really needed you. I can tell myself its better just to say goodbye.I can tell myself a thousand lies.but tell me now.tell me how I do

`there is no finish line
5:30 AM

Monday, December 01, 2003

did five sets of tournament warm ups for training today.actually only two.then miss lee added three more.rather tiring.mr goh took us for training today.did rolls and dodges.quite fun.
my first time as treasurer.collected 8 bucks from everyone.felt like a loanshark.erm loanshark.hahaha.nevermind.man.everyone keeps asking me whether he and i are together.all thanks to mel and kim.argh.went jp for lunch with mel.ben.kim.sheranne.had teriyaki chicken don.yucks.not nice wan.played zhong ji mi ma.oh man.kana 3 times.totally sucks.bought famous amos brownies.still prefer mrs field's ones.there was this salesman who stopped us outside jp advertising his product.its this new edition of ck one perfume.smells rather good.and he's really funny.hahaha.the five of us were like laughing our heads off listening to him.ben and mel bought one bottle from him in the end.and mel's gonna give it to her ever dearest sijay.sheranne had serious pms today man.she's so frustrated over everything.haha.oh well.its that time of the month.
went tiong bahru plaza.a cup of hazelnut icecream.thanks.
went mel's house.its quite nice.rather big.watched finding nemo.fell asleep halfway.dead tired.went home at 7 plus.got home by 8.took a cab.man.the fare's a killer.its only monday and i'm rather broke.man.must save.save.save.cannot spend so much.
its 1st december!that means 25 more days to christmas.ah.theres so much on my wishlist for christmas.......

-that super cool black nike watch.
-that really nice pair of jeans at heeren.
-that quiksilver boardshorts.
-that baby blue adidas shirt at bugis.
-that cute little piggie figurine at citylink.
-that 'a piece of cake' black nike tee at westmall.
-that really cute super big doggie soft toy at jp.
-that lovely ripcurl slippers.
-that mp3

hmm.i feel much better today.happy.
but yet.the scar is still there.
miss ya.

.:| even the most beautiful fairytale have an ending.my fairytale too.sadly ever after |:.

__________________[17]_______you dont know what you mean to me.

-aku sangat cinta kamu-

`there is no finish line
6:22 AM

did five sets of tournament warm ups for training today.actually only two.then miss lee added three more.rather tiring.mr goh took us for training today.did rolls and dodges.quite fun.
my first time as treasurer.collected 8 bucks from everyone.felt like a loanshark.erm loanshark.hahaha.nevermind.man.everyone keeps asking me whether he and i are together.all thanks to mel and kim.argh.went jp for lunch with mel.ben.kim.sheranne.had teriyaki chicken don.yucks.not nice wan.played zhong ji mi ma.oh man.kana 3 times.totally sucks.bought famous amos brownies.still prefer mrs field's ones.there was this salesman who stopped us outside jp advertising his product.its this new edition of ck one perfume.smells rather good.and he's really funny.hahaha.the five of us were like laughing our heads off listening to him.ben and mel bought one bottle from him in the end.and mel's gonna give it to her ever dearest sijay.sheranne had serious pms today man.she's so frustrated over everything.haha.oh well.its that time of the month.
went tiong bahru plaza.a cup of hazelnut icecream.thanks.
went mel's house.its quite nice.rather big.watched finding nemo.fell asleep halfway.dead tired.went home at 7 plus.got home by 8.took a cab.man.the fare's a killer.its only monday and i'm rather broke.man.must save.save.save.cannot spend so much.
its 1st december!that means 25 more days to christmas.ah.theres so much on my wishlist for christmas.......

-that super cool black nike watch.
-that really nice pair of jeans at heeren.
-that quiksilver boardshorts.
-that baby blue adidas shirt at bugis.
-that cute little piggie figurine at citylink.
-that 'a piece of cake' black nike tee at westmall.
-that really cute super big doggie soft toy at jp.
-that lovely ripcurl slippers.
-that mp3

hmm.i feel much better today.happy.
but yet.the scar is still there.
miss ya.

.:| even the most beautiful fairytale have an ending.my fairytale too.sadly ever after |:.

__________________[17]_______you dont know what you mean to me.

-aku sangat cinta kamu-

`there is no finish line
4:28 AM