Friday, January 30, 2004
alrights.am at karo's place right now.listening to her blast perfect by simple plan.cool.
going later for the cross country run.meeting up with ness sherri sheranne and people.hmm.dont hope for anything lahs just give it my best shot.
went down to catch the c div match against henderson yesterday.thrashed them flat.went town with ness lover and sam.whoopee.its a loong time since step foot in orchard.went heeren.flash and splash having a 15% discount storewide.bought a ripcurl shirt.-grins*took neoprints.hee!cool alright.karo wore angel wings.sam wore ram horns.ness wore devil horns.i wore bunny ears.haha.had fun snapping.=)
sam left.so did ness.me and karo went paragon for dinner.yakitori lunch box!!yummylicious.had a cup of icecream each too.theres this new flavour chocolate crunchy brownie.rocks big time.oh wells.karo was busying messaging her xiao zhu zhu.haha.so now we are like big time crazy over pigs!zhus rocks...=)
went home.took a cab.
com crashed.freak it.
slept early.like 10.30.didnt wanna reply those messages.didnt wanna pick up that call.

alrights.gotta go already.
byee.

-thrills at the thought of seeing you*





`there is no finish line
10:52 AM
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
didnt blog yesterday.decided to study.had like three tests today so mugged all the way to two last night.
was really worried about the tests right at the start of the day.especially a maths.assembly in class.
physics paper was pretty fine.so was a maths.what a relieve.biology was alright too.wrote like almost the whole paper for the essay question.haha.
recess.was down at court.taking shooters percentage under the hot sun.had fun though.
english in the library.was yakking away with sherri and tsemin rather than reading.tsemin was telling us all about candice and we were like laughing our head off.haha.
social studies.me and sherri left at 11.50 instead of 12.15.hate social studies.hate mdm lee.just wanted to skip the period.she was a little reluctant to let us go at first.oh whatever.haha.she has to in the end.we had a little problem with the door.didnt seem to open somehow.fiona to the rescue!haha.theres was this switch we were supposed to press in order to open it.haha.paiseh!
we were the first ones to get down.haha.the canteen was practically empty.went to shoot to kill time.got change into jerseys.had lunch.practised half court.headed off to nus.
pouring really heavily.thunder lightning everything.took shelter near the field.everyone was like slacking around.playing project boyfriend and stuff.took a quick nap.was worn out after last night crazy mugging.rain finally stopped.but the match was postponed to next friday.had a short training.wasnt in the mood to play somehow?
went for dinner with ness mel and kim.joking fooling around as usuals.my sis came to pick me up.gave ness mel and kim a lift.got home around 7.dead tired.wet shoes.wet socks.wet jersey.wet fbts.wet everything.headed for a warm shower immediately.

oh yeah.forgot to mention.chij's goalshooter is soo chio.haha.angela got herself obssessed with the goal defence who looks like a butch.erm?
listening to will you by p.o.d.love that one.
and also coming clean by hilary duff.got that song replaying in my head the whole of today.
feelingthis_
tired.he never fails to get me thinking.like what i am now.wondering what that means.hmmm.t h i n k i n g.
he didnt seem too happy today?kinda brought down my mood.wonder if he's alright.i'm so in love with his smile.
so so in love with him*
during the tests today.the moment i panicked over a certain question.my hand found its way to my pencilbox.tightly gripped that nametag in my clenched fist.felt better instantly somehow.hahas.
oh phew.my bills came yesterday.$58.64.thank god.i get to keep my phone.

alrights.this is it.going off now.see yas.
missing xiaozhu.
-you cloud my mind*

coming clean.hilary duff

Let's go back
Back to the beginning
Back to when the earth, the sun, the stars all aligned

Cause perfect didn't feel so perfect
Trying to fit a square into a circle
Was no life
I defy

CHORUS:
Let the rain fall down
And wake my dreams
Let it wash away
My sanity
Cause I wanna feel the thunder
I wanna scream
Let the rain fall down
I'm coming clean, I'm coming clean

I'm shedding
Shedding every color
Trying to find a pigment of truth
Beneath my skin

Cause different
Doesn't feel so different
And going out is better
Than always staying in
Feel the wind

Chorus

I'm coming clean
Let the rain fall
Let the rain fall
I'm coming clean

Chorus

Let's go back
Back to the beginning

can we..?



`there is no finish line
9:52 PM
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
loong time since i blogged.almost a week till date.got lots to say.my trip and everything.so do bear with me ya.

`think back time.

220104.thursday
woke up early.did my final packing for my lugguage.went over to my grands place to pay my chinese new year greetings.went to the airport after that.had breakfast at the caferteria after check in.had four eggs and kaya toast.
was kinda late for the flight.already was last call.hurriedly board the plane.they played rather nice songs.the food wasnt that nice.played street super mario.haha.touched down after three hours.surabaya.
the airport was really rundown.the immigration was slow.
boarded the tourbus.the tourguide was gay alright.looks like one speaks like one.headed for mount bromo.
slight dizzle.made the cold weather on the mountain even colder.freezing.watched mtv channel in the resort room.played the music video of feeling this.so cool.was like jumping around on the bed.haha.

230104.friday
morning call at three in the morning.sleepy head me couldnt get up for nuts.after much screaming of my sis was when that i got up.washed up.
took a jeep up the mountain.the morning air was really cold.brrrr.was dipping lower than 10 degrees and i was only wearing a jacket with jeans.could feel the cold penetrating my skin.the jeep ride was long.the air was so so cold.as i was sitting there on my seat, i really missed the warmth of his hands.missed the way he held my hands with his firm grip.missed the sense of secureness he gave.missed him.
reached the top of the mountain.pitch dark still.the air was colder than ever.sat there for like an hour or so waiting for the sunrise.the cold was unbearable.shivering the whole time.the sunrise was beautiful though.only wished he was there to enjoy the breathtaking view with me.
took the jeep to the foot of a volcano after that.had to take a horseback ride up.was kinda scared at first.didnt dare to get up the horse.feared that it would topple or something.haha.the horseride was nice.a little bumpy here and there.had to climb up a long flight of steps to the crater of the volcano.was breathless by the time i got up there.but the view was magnificent.could see the rumbling lava below and the green hills beyond.snapped pictures.took the horseride back down.got the soles of my nike air force sneakers filled with volcanic ash and horse dung.yuck.
headed back to the resort.had breakfast.left.
went shopping at the malls.had coffee at dome.bought a brown Mango skirt!hee.it was cheap.20 plus sing.and also a nike watch.689,000 rupiah.hmm.100 plus sing.saw this super cool puma tee.but they only have extra large.urghs.but the skirt and watch somehow soothes the ache.
dinner was great.had coconut crab.first time eating it.taste weird.my dad says that it feeds on coconuts.that explains the strong coconut taste present in its meat.didnt like it.

240104.saturday
had problems waking up again.haha.
went to the safari.was really nice.saw a chimpanzee teaching its young how to swing.hehe.nice.took pictures with a tiger cub.was soo cute alright.hee.
waterfall.was beautiful.the never ending stream of cool water gushing down from high above.
visited a tobacco company after.called samporena if i'm not wrong.got to see how cigarettes came about.kinda shocked when the tourguide said that 95% of male indonesians smoke.wahh.thats a lot.
bought six pink cotton candy.

250104.sunday
my last day.went to visit a plantation.got to pick apples and ate them on the spot.sweeet.stole some tomatoes too.hee.shhh.
went to the airport.was mugging social studies all the way.
the trip back was torturing.everyone around me was either watching inflight movies or play games and there was i with my social studies textbook in hand.sighs.
got home at around 10.30.bathed and spent the rest of the night studying.slept at 2.

260104.monday
back to school.was nervous about the tests.
had assembly in class.the sitting arrangement wasnt what i thought it to be.
first paper.social studies.was rushing through everything.my handwriting was barely readable?scribbles.was do-able lahs.
e maths was next.screams.flop it.many left unfinished.
chemistry.hmm.so-so.everyone held their scripts kinda high.was tempting.haha.
recess.played netball as usuals.
chemistry lesson was a little boring.mrs ang really likes to use slides to do her teaching.
e maths.started on indices.only had 15 minutes of it.ness and sheranne came to 'pick' me and sherri up.haha.the whole class clapped for us.had a zone match in the afternoon.had prawn noodles to fill my tummy.
everyone was like yakking and yelling away in the changing room when we went to got change into our jerseys.haha.fun.
did a little bit of half court before we went down.
the match was okie.the sec 1s and 2s came down to support us.so nice of them.played goal defence.kinda easy opponents.thrashed them 20-6.but felt that the team slacked quite a bit.amanda seriously needs to practise on her shots.my heart sank each time she shot a airball alright.
teamtalk.miss wee wasnt too happy about our performance.sat in a circle pin-pointing each others mistakes and stuff.
went queensway after with ness.kim.mel.shah.had mac.walk around a bit.headed home.
didnt felt like studying.was stoning at my physics notes.
he messaged!!!!hee!soo happy alright.just cannot contain my excitement but let off a scream.haha.chatted quite a bit.felt really nice.shibin messaged too.he was telling me about this cute jap girl he fancied from united world college.i said he was despo and he insisted he was purely socialising.haha.yah like real.
slept smiling.


`there is no finish line
9:34 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Oh gentle winds beneath moonlit skies,
Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?

Below the branches, here about,
Do not you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do not you hear my woeful screams?

Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do not you see my hearts askew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do not you feel my jagged scars?

Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it amongst these trees.

It's scattered across the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting over the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.

It's buried beneath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Too far to ease my quiet fright.

No gentle winds, seek not my heart,
For simply, it has torn apart


`there is no finish line
10:50 PM

 wore my white quiksilver shirt and denim skirt to school today.feels so comfortable in my home clothes.finally can forsake uniforms.for a day.
kinda interesting looking around seeing how other people dress.
had assembly in class.he dressed nice.drop dead gorgeous._as usual.=)
received two donation cards.ahhh.gotta go around asking for donations yet again.
went up to the hall for the chinese new year concert.overall its quite a bore.haha but some of the classes performance were really comical.had a good laugh over them.lover looked so funny in the huan zhu ge ge outfit alright.
was kinda glad the concert was over.went down to the netball courts.was watching people challenge the zero point station.played netball with sherri for a while.didnt continue on cause i was in skirt.haha.
went canteen to chat with chialing jiawei raymond ritik.for about an hour.feels nice.
had training.everyone wasnt in the mood to play.switched to holidaying mode.did badly.called it a day after four quarters.
was having a serious talk with ness and sherri about someone.hopefully she does change for the better.
went to have lunch at queensway with mel sherri ness sheranne shahidah.was looking around after that.me ness and mel wanted to print shirts.thought up the design we wanted and everything.decided to go back some other time to get it.cool!
went ikea to get eileen's belated belated present.oops.
came home.wanted to sleep.yet my handphone kept ringing.kim shibin harmoko messaged.was kept awake though was really sleepy.shibin asked me to turn on channel 5.american funniest home video.hahahaha.soooo funny alright.kept laughing and laughing.and laughing so hard.all shibin's fault.
went for reunion dinner at a seafood restaurant in tuas.the food was rather good.haha.tsemin messaged to say her reunion dinner food sucks.i was telling her about mine and she was like diaos.haha.
leaving tomorrow.morning flight.havent pack my lugguage yet.freakk.

alrights.better go start dumping my clothes and everything into that pathetically small lugguage of mine.
sure to have lots to say when i get back.perhaps pictures to share too.
-till when i'm back.see yas!



`there is no finish line
10:44 PM

 just took a look at the night sky.decorated with lots of shimmering stars.what a beautiful sight.
well.talked on the phone with jiawei just.chatting up and everything.tsemin messaged.she's really encouraging me a whole deal.
i'm feeling a little weird right now.wonder why.

everyone who read my blog was like asking me am i alright and stuffs.thanks for the concern guys.i'm fine.=)
oh yeah.got our jerseys today.light blue and dark blue.design's nice but the sizes dont fit everyone of us.we were all like complaining in the toilet when we went to try out.haha.
alrights.its 12.10.gotta go catch some sleep.see yas.

i'm firm on my decision
[wish for you on a falling star | wondering where you are | do i ever cross your mind in the warm sunshine]

written with purple ink on my palm.2330.


`there is no finish line
12:11 AM
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
min speaks her soul`
screams.felt kinda happy.yet the remainders of the sadness from yesterday hasnt fade somehow.
ultra long assembly.mrs quek gave a talk.haha.so funny.miss lim was like telling us stories about how this and that came about in the school.but whats the whole point and objective of the talk?-fairsians,donate.
5 minutes e maths lesson.just went in to copy down the questions for homework.haha.
chinese.freakk.havent hand up my du hou gan.i'm dead.spent like the whole time before school cheonging it in the canteen.quite a bit to go.urgh.will do it up laters.had this group discussion thingie.yawns.
chapel.the songs were great.lovee now that you're near.class commitee and councillors investiture.clapped till my hands hurt.he's class captain!hee.so cool.=)
me eileen chialing sherri typical ah sohs.rushed to the staff room cause we wanted to be one of the first to get the coffee chain business as our r&d project.we got it!hee.was telling sherri that 'kiasu is a virtue'.haha.crapping.
didnt eat during recess.played netball the whole time.practising long passes and runs.sweaty and sticky all over.
biology.miss lim came late as usual.went toilet.our paths crossed.so much wanted to smile and say a hi.yet his eyes practically dumbed me.so mesmerising.looked away.i cant afford to stare.dont wana put him in a difficult position.the fact is that i cannot love him._forbidden love*.yet i still deeply do.
lessons was okay.just that the guys got real horny.erm by the way we are on the topic of sexual reproduction.so yeah.kinda expected huh.typical.hahas.
a maths.whatever matrix.dont understand a single thing.
english.boringg.as usual.miss hia gave us so much homework lohs.freakk.
bell rang.
had lunch.got so worried cause i cant contact faith.had to cancel our lunch appointment cause of training.
self train.had fun working out stratagies.had our personal code and everything.cool.=)
went dover with kim.had prata and milo.chatted till about 7.30.
took a cab.lazy me refuse to take 74.
back home.

feeling this_
nothing much.same old mindy.
i feel worn out.really.

alrights.gonna ramage my wardrobe for something to wear tomorrow.hmm.2 more days before my trip.not really excited?

_us.living in two different worlds.leading two different lifes.but i'm gonna wait till the day we become one.

_________missing you is like part of my everyday chores.







`there is no finish line
9:13 PM
Monday, January 19, 2004
freaky day.
biology.checked out human cheek cells and onion cells.kinda cool.
teared.saw something i didnt wanna see.something which meant so much to me.something that hurted me a deal.
a maths.in a daze.didnt understand a single bit of what miss lee was explaining.broke down yet again.
physics.so lost in my own thoughts.miss fang didnt teach much.
recess.had chicken burger.finally tried something from new store.was pretty nice.felt empty.
chemistry.com lab.tried to cheer myself up a bit.forced myself not to look at the one sitting opposite.told myself i cant.
e maths.rested my head on the table.found myself crying.that particular scene of the past kept flashing across my mind.
lifeskills.boring powerpoint presentation.was doing chemistry homework during free time.
school's out.
spent whole of the time before training started with eugene and shibin.was snapping pictures with eugene on his n3200.so cool alright.he got the phone before me.urghs.getting mine real soon alright.must!
miss hwee revealed the main team players!yeahh!i'm in!so glad when i heard my name being read out.main team players are:
jocelyn.tiffany goh.tiffany ng.gladys hoo.angela.serena.ness.sherri.sheranne.amanda.jamie.me!
congrats everyone =)
perhaps this was the only thing that made me felt a little better.
training was cancelled due to the rain.had self training in the end.just basics.didnt do much.1/3 court was pretty fine.
had team talk.everyone was snacking big time.ritz cheese biscuit.xue bing.seaweed.ovaltine biscuits.ribena.haha.had fun.joking around.feels nice.
practised defending with ness and jamie.or rather was helping them pick balls half of the time.it was pouring.all drenched.felt tired.physical and emotional drained.
took a cab back.reflecting on the day during the ride.

_feeling.this
mixed up emotions.the final stage of depression.
feeling terrible.my heart just wont stop sinking further?

in your eyes i'm just nobody.wished you could at the very least acknowledge my exsistance.tried to smile but you looked away.wanted to say a hi but you walked away.leaving me to bleed.

dejected.i'm afraid.
afraid that you would get irritated by the fact of me waiting.
knowing you dont want me to but i cant let go.cant let go of us.cant let go of what we were.i once thought maybe if i tried hard enough, maybe if i just push myself a little bit harder, i could.yet at the end of this all, i really couldnt.every single attempt to forget you deemed unsuccessful.i still found myself smiling at the very sight of you, still found myself loving the number 17 so much, still found myself in deep thoughts of you always.each failed try made my falling soul fall even deeper.each failed try made me come back stronger.determined to go for what i believe in, what i desire, what i want, what i love.yet somehow i cant find the hope to do so.you put out the last glimmer of what i thought was light.perhaps it wasnt even light to start with.just me day dreaming.as usual.just wished at least i had a little hope to cling on to.like a rat searching for food in a bakery, just a little bread crumbs would satisfy it.yet am i entitled to any?

dilemma_
i want him.yet i ask myself why do i want to when he isnt at all happy being with me.isnt it just torturing him.isnt it just torturing the one i love.i love him.and i want to see him lead his life happily.wo yao xiao zhu xing fu.it actually hurted me a whole big deal to know that he regretted his decision and the times we had.three months of suffocating him yet i want more?but still that part of me just wont agree.

_is this the last straw?
a little of everything pushes me to the edge.emptiness.yearning.wanting.missing.loving.hurting.dejected.desperation.hanging on to the edge of the cliff.a deep valley below.hoping for a hand to come pull me up.i pray that it would be his hand.the hand which held me through the happiest times in my life.yet would it be so?pray even harder for that [miracle*]

my feelings arent just emotions.
but,
emotions that are entwined with pain.
my thoughts arent just pure thinking of the brain.
but,
overwhelmed screaming emptiness and longing desperation attached them.

my soul can take it no more.
huilong*i need you.

_will you still love me tomorrow.even if you didnt today?

`there is no finish line
10:10 PM
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Each piece of my heart has a memory so true.
Each piece of my heart has part of you.

-i miss you*

`there is no finish line
10:53 PM

 this is sinful alright.just ate three oily goreng pisangs.urgh!all thanks to my mum lah.tempt me into having them.hmph.
been kept busy with homework the whole morning.gonna do up chemistry and social studies notes later.probably burn midnight oil tonight.-dreads.
been listening to 98.7 the whole day.really nice songs playing on the airwaves.was like jumping on my bed when they played feeling this by blink 182.downright cool.=)
pondering over something.wondering what does it mean.hmmmm.

missing the one who used encourage me to press on studying hard through the night with a simple sweet jiayou over the phone....

`deep in thoughts of you.

by the way.a big happy birthday to eDwiN.eileeN chiN.siRonG.eiLeeN chuA!!!the four january babies.theres your song.
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you four,
happy birthday to you!


`there is no finish line
6:37 PM

 Friday.1601.
social studies the very first period of the day.freak.had temperature taking exercise.forgot to bring mine.luckily mdm lee didnt see.was surprised to see him not around.thought he was late or something.anxiously looking at the door throughout the period.hoping for a knock.hoping to see him appear.but he didnt.the bell rang went off for the next period.he's absent.
a maths.miss lee taught.still on matrix.yawns.was resting my head against the wall the whole time.wasnt in the mood or what so ever.was worried alright.wondering what happened to him.
e maths.staring at the blank seat beside zhenrong.
recess.really wanted to message him.secretly in the toilet or something.yet didnt want to show my eagerness.i'm just another classmate of his.who am i to have so much concern for him.dismissed that thought.
reminds me of 200803.rushed down to the canteen to call the minute the bell rang.almost 10 times yet no one picked up the phone.another try after school.was so so relieved to hear that ever so familiar voice at the other end of the phone.the sign that he's alright.yet this time round.i cant.i'm nobody.of no status to do so.the fact flings me back to reality.i'm just a friend.
chemistry.nothing much.
r&d.was shopping for projects.decided on the coffee chain as our first choice.kinda excited about it.
orca.was sleeping half the time in the auditorium.
school ends.headed straight for my locker to retreive my handphone.messaged him.its a sorethroat he's having.really hope he'll get well soon.went queensway with tsemin.huizhen.jiawei to get edwin's present.at first wanted to get him a bag.then no nice ones.kept changing our minds.wanted a watch.then a shirt.then a pencil box.then in the end got nothing.they decided to go orchard to get a wallet.i had to rushed back to school for the paya lebar methodist girls match.took a cab.
watched the c div match against river valley as our match only starts at 5.thought they played pretty well.they drew with them.
everyone was tensed up about the match.nervous and everything.played three quarters out of four as goal defence.played badly alright.disappointed with myself.the pressure is real high with on-watchers around.lost the game.=(
shibin and eugene insisted that i go.urghs.feel kinda bad if i dont go cause they stayed back to wait.reluctantly yes.had a shower.took 196.
the busstop right outside his condo.brings back just so many memories.times we sat there waiting for 154.just perfect.the path leading to the gate.seems so familiar yet distant.slow strolls we used to had.waving goodbye at the gate.
sam was at the gate.he brought us up to his apartment.nice deco.neat and simple yet carrying a hint of class.shibin was teaching me piano.he's a grade 7 pro.haha.i'm a slow learner alright.glad he didnt puke blood or anything.
had pizza.two slices.yummy.
eugene.shibin.eddy.me went to sam's room toilet.they wanted to do something to shibin's hair.haha.we were all pulling shouting screaming tugging inside there.haha.
watched bad boys two.really vulgar.with the f word puncturing every sentence.didnt really catch the storyline though.
eugene cried in the kitchen after picking up a phonecall.shocked yet upset.didnt want to prob to much into it so just consoled him through messages.
mum called.she was screaming her head off alright.had to go.took a cab back with shibin.
had a warm bath the moment i got home.
was messaging shibin till i fell asleep.

Saturday.1701
woke up.left for school.
miss lee blast to her top.she was really angry.cause most of us came late when we were supposed to arrive school by 8.
went over to the primary school.had a briefing by mrs wee by what are we supposed to do during the sports carnival.allocated to captain's ball.
had a simple game of frisbee and captain's ball after that.
went back to secondary school.was outside the hall looking down at the half netball court where the band was having games.haha.mel lover and kim got sick of hearing me say 'he's so cute!'haha.
was chatting up with mel and lover at the empty space just outside the canteen.lover spilled ice lemon tee on my pouch.
feels nice just talking to my close friends.at the same time i was somehow feeling upset.it was the seventeen.memories came gushing back.
broke down.i cried.
spent sometime alone at the basketball courts.a puddle of tears formed on the brown wooden board i sat on.was reading through past messages.every single one of them had the word 'dear' encraved onto it.feelings that felt so real.times that i felt happiness.
played basketball for a while.went to my mum's shop.helped her out till 8 plus 9.tiredd.couldnt go to the bbq party for the january babies.mum insisted i stayed on to help her.freak.
kim samantha and desmond actually found their way to my mum's shop.was busy with the bills at the point of time.told them i couldnt go.sighs.
came home.cried alot during shower.
watched the man u match.they lost to wolfhampton.0-1.urghs!
turned in.didnt want to stay awake.didnt want to let my mind so astray thinking of unhappy thoughts.didnt wanna let myself cry.

right here waiting.richard marx

Oceans apart
Day after day and I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
I see you next to never
How can we stay forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter and I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh can't you see it baby
You've got me going crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Baby, baby yea
I'll be, I'll be right here waiting on you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I'll be right here waiting for you

Oh, I love you
Oh, whatever it takes
Whatever you do
Wherever you go
I'm never leaving you
I'll be right here waiting for you

.2330.










`there is no finish line
12:36 PM
Thursday, January 15, 2004
woke up.rose from bed sleepy.took a glance at my moo moo clock.oh my god.it read seven o'clock.yeah.s e v e n!quickly went to wash up.got changed.was like running about the house getting things done.skipped my cup of milo.popped on my dad's car.was like asking him to speed up his drive.was really afraid that i'll be late.i dont want two demerit points plus detention man.its like only the start of the year.urgh.
was so glad that assembly havent started.everyone was still getting into rows and everything.was running to the gate.saw matthew chay closing the gate.ran even faster.was so relieved i wasnt booked or anything.phew.strolled to the assembly area.was so tired from the morning's mad rush.
i forgot to bring my bible yet again.assembly was quite okie.
english.boring as usual.went for photo taking half way through.i kinda shut my eyes when the flash flashed?plus a forced smile.argh.cant imagine how the picture would turn out like.
chinese.got back our test papers.24/25.wahh.was really glad.considering the fact i barely touched the book.was doing the biology concept map while mdm shi went throught the format for letter writing.mans.she gave lotsa homework for the weekend.freak.
recess.was busy finishing the concept map.ate hotdog bun.yum.went to shoot later on.had fun.
biology.cells.cells.and more cells.he looks so cute asleep.cant help but stare?
physics.had the lesson in lab.didnt understand all the graphs miss fang drew on the board.was kinda interested in the a maths tuition miss fang was offering.reasonable price too.will ask my mum about it later.
social studies.shutted off my mind to everything she said.hmm.backview.=)bell rang.went off for the canteen.
lovee the rice store.the food was great today.thumbs up!
went to shoot with jeraldine.haha.we were having this mini compeition as to how could shoot better.haha.so fun.won.=)
met jin en while coming down from the hall.sweats.spent thirty minutes or so at the foyer listening to his problems.so many of them.felt a little sorry for him really.
training.physical was tiring with all the sprints.jumping jacks.supermans.leg lifts.push ups.crunches.urgh.did drills.then miss lee came to have a speech with us.she's back!with chicken pox marks all over her face and neck.haha.small small red red ones.she bought us medicine balls!oh gosh.3kg medicine balls for our trainings.they are like so heavy.can hardly pass a straight pass.did one-third court after that.didnt really play well.feel just a little lazy on my feet today.
oh dear.lover cried.because of the stupid nemo.hurts me to see her tear.tried hushing her up a bit.
went home after that.wanted to bath and head for ikea to get edwin's present but it was too late.aiya.guess that it would be a belated one.sorry edwin!
hmm.getting excited for the friendly we are having with paya lebar methodist girls tomorrow.seriously speaking not too confident about it but would give off my very best.the performance would very much affect coach's decision on the final 12 main players.really do hope i'll make it to the top 12.its means everything.
have been bumping into him quite a bit during the change of lessons.wonder did i manage to hide my guilt and shame with that simple smile and wave of mine.if i could have a chance to say a thousand sorries, i would.yet after all the mass destruction i've done to his soul,i couldnt find the courage to do so.-min.you're such a [coward]*_sadly, i am.[[go back to her.i cant give you what you seek]]
feeling this_
tired from training yet a happy me gleaming on my inside.widen smiles.life seems so much better just by seeing his mesmerising smile on his face.yet would it be so so so much better with him by my side?
_definitely*

off to read my magazines.ta-tas!=)

`found this website by chance where you can convert your english names to your elf names.
_Finrod Nénmacil [him] & Linwë Nargothrond [me]__=p

`there is no finish line
9:38 PM
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
before school was really fun.was yakking with the girls as usual.then ness came with a boxer shorts in her hands.haha.we all wanted to tease her so me.mel.sherri.lover.tsemin.samantha. screamed across the canteen 'ness.why you bring boxers to school'.like three four times.haha.nessie was so paiseh alright.everyone was like staring at her.and she dont know where to hide her face.oh yeah.so fun.=)
assembly was extra long today.attire check for nails.phew.glad mine's short enough.keep forgetting to bring bible.
chem.enjoyed practical.with nabi.was doing some sort of data logger thingie that nabi thought was a gameboy.haha.we were the first group to finish the practical yet to find we did the third question wrongly.joined ray and ritik's group.haha.fun time man.
physics.miss fang was kinda cute?haha.besides that.the lesson was boring.
pe.was doing warmups and the guys kept looking at miss abigail wong who was taking 2C at the foyer.haha.typical huh.went for hertiage run again.felt kinda breathless today.crutches was painful.arghs.
broke off for recess.me.tsemin.sherri was standing at the half netball court staring at miss abigail wong commenting on how chio she was.she really is alright.looking so sporty cool in her acjc tee.heard she's a swimmer.haha.
had recess.my usuals.rice and ribena.chatting away with samantha.ness.tsemin.huizhen and gang.shibin came to ask us to get tickets from him for the band concert in april.i was like BAND CONCERT?!?!?.oh my god.i reserved a ticket from him already.haha.i want the best seats man.=)
went to play netball since i was still in pe tee with sherri.ness.karo.tsemin.haha.so fun.was doing half court.bell rang.rushed off to get changed.sherri lost her tie.had to borrow from linus in the end.haha.went for english.was all hot and sweaty in uniform.argh.but the air con was sure cool.spent most of the period copying social studies workbook.had group discussion too.about this woman called babara jordan.miss hia gave homework.sighs.
met yu xuan at the canteen during the change of periods.sat there talking to him though it was way past the third bell.surprisingly wasnt late for social studies lesson.mdm lee's face turns me off.was chatting with shijing and wanling about our korea trips.ginseng chickens and everything.her lessons are a total bore.slept a little.didnt pay attention a single bit.was pleasantly glad the bell rang.oh yeah.
cca briefing in the hall.realised its rather to gain cca points.have to take part in other compeitions and stuff.left halfway through.
newater plant visit.had a great time on the bus.theres two really cute little boys called xavier and bryan.had a load lot of fun snapping pictures with them on tsemin's 7250.hehe.
the visit was so un-fun.just listening to the guide talk.had a free bottle of newater though.thought it tasted weird?or was it physcological?
trip back.even more pictures snapped with xavier and bryan.xavier was laying on junqi's lap.we were all like playing with them and stuff.haha.sherri carried bryan till he cried.oops!haha.
went clementi macdonalds to makan with sherri.ness.tsemin.kim.geraldine.shahidah.sheranne.had mspicy double.lovee the new baffalo wings sauce.its like a mix of sweet chilli and barbeque sauce.yum`
went home.took 154.it was kinda crowded and everything.dropped my bottle.it rolled all the way to the front.aiyoh.so paiseh.now its covered with dents and bruises.careless me.
feeling this_
happy.happy.happy.all smiles.enjoyed today.
hee.=)
_baby i can only help but wonder*
alrights.homework in hand.gotta finish them up.till then.see yas.







`there is no finish line
8:47 PM
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
before school.was yakking away at the canteen table with mel.kim.samantha.karo.haha.arguing who is the most shuai guy in our sec 3 level.mel say [c].kim say [j.w].karo said [j.l].i said [s].haha.we were like screaming and yelling and everything.haha.=)
assembly.mdm xu was telling us all about the new year celebration items.how un-interesting.mr low was introducing the new teachers.theres this really chio teacher.hmm.miss abigail wong.in charge of basketball somemore.haha.
e maths.got back our papers.14 half over 25.was kinda glad.haha.
two periods of chinese straight.yawns.eyes were barely opened.had about 30 minutes for our test.it was a open book test.so happy.haha.25 mcq.was do-able.
assembly.sang some nice songs finally.liked 'everyday'.perhaps this is the very first chapel i didnt fell asleep.haha.cheers.
recess.oh my gosh.was laughing the whole time through.haha.because of some disgusting stuff we found out.[ar_p_t.ha_r]gross!laughed even more when we found a [ha_r] in sherri's food.hahahahaha.oh man.
went off for biology class.giggling with tsemin.look over to sherri at times.and she'll do the silly waving action.haha.then me and tsemin wave back and we three burst out laughing again.miss lim is rearing fish in her classroom.nicee.lesson was kinda boring.very content-based.
a maths.still on matrix.mrs quek lesson.she made us all mad with laugther.hahaha.pratically everyone was laughing so hard and she just went on with the lesson.haha.but towards the end of the lesson i somehow felt upset.thinking back.actually teared.frantically wiped them off my cheeks each time they flowed.
english.siansation.shibin and johnston jokers man.yak throughout the period.miss hia even called johnston a empty vessell.haha.
after school.was supposed to learn guitar from this someone.then didnt in the end.did homework in the canteen.with vic.went home.
was talking with joce online just.feels nice.
_feeling this
happy.today was somewhat great.the hysteric laughter in the canteen and everything.nevertheless his perfect smile.=)love it.
listening to walking away by craig david.niceee.
smiles.feeling happier as the days go by.yet the screaming emptiness never once left my soul.the longing desperation is still so real.me in search of my desired happiness.he is my desired happiness.the only thing i long for.the only thing i yearn.yet it hurts to know i'm reaching for a love which seems so far.the distance between us drifts further and further and further.things arent what they were before.only wish it was._a sadden sigh
alrights.off to do my homework.see yas.

_look into my eyes.they carry the reflection of [[you]]*








`there is no finish line
9:22 PM
Monday, January 12, 2004
greattt day =)
exchanged shoes.was wearing samantha's grey adidas superstar on my right and karo's blue converse on my left.haha.so cool.
its BB day today.just seems like any other day just that there was the boring BB message and the guys are in uniform the whole time.
was screaming with joy on my inside.so00o0 happy.for some reason i wont say.haha.it gave my whole day a great kick off alright.
biology.had lesson in the lab.cant help but kept smiling?wanling thought i was bonkers.haha.perhaps a little huh.was just going through the drawings of scientific drawings and diagrams.the period seemed to pass real fast.was flipping through the new diary we got.its kinda like goldenish brown.dont really fancy the colour.found out on the calendar of the year that theres gonna be a netball overseas trip to China during the June holidays!hooray!!=)rocks man.sherri and i were like jumping in the bio lab because of that.haha.
a maths.mrs quek took us today.matrix again.the class was like laughing half of the time because of the way she teaches.funny man.hahaha=)
physics next.was walking to class with harmoko.haha.he was telling me all about his kayaking trip.sounds so fun although he capsized thrice.haha.physics was boring.its officially one of the subjects i hate.arghs
recess.didnt eat.went to shoot with sherri.ness.lover.tsemin.yujia.tsemin was showing off how well she shoot with one hand.haha.kinda pro huh.locked nessie inside the ball cage.haha.she was like screaming and everything.paiseh man.everyone was like looking.haha.exchanged school bags with ness.i had her nike blue sling and she had my quiksilver.cool.
chemistry.was doing e maths under the table.haha.the whole lesson was just copying notes.-bore.
e maths.had a suprise test!oops.didnt revise a single bit.the test was kinda hard.just hope i pass.-grins.
lifeskills.half asleep?
had lunch.was queuing with sherri.ness.lover.haha.just like 'fighting' over who gets to go first and stuff.pushing one and another out of the queue.poking fun here and there.was third to get my food.squeezed my way past sherri.haha.
training.miss hwee is real picky.this one cannot that one cannot.aiyohs.
her trainings are dry.boring in a sense.did like 150 jumping jacks and nearly 200 advanced squares.arghs.the sun was really scorching too.human torture!
having a friendly with paya lebar methodist girls this coming friday.they are coming down to our school.wonder how we would fare.they are kinda strong.-sweats
miss hwee agreed to help us netball girls plead so that we need not run cross country due to the up-coming nationals.yeah!!=)
training ended.me.karo.mel.sherri.ness.kim when to sit on top of the monkey bars.singing the whole time up there.kinda cool ya.
went off to dover to meet eugene.shibin.nabi.shilei.had chicken chop and iced milo.yum.played zhong ji mi ma.gross!colesaw+milo+chicken soup+chilli+mayo+tomato sauce+curry+black sauce+sugar etc.-puke.
nabi and shilei ran home.hahaha.
i kana one time!sucks alright.yucks.
went to the playgrounds.played swing.ended up playing crocodile around the slides.haha.felt like kids.screaming each time shibin or eugene caught me.played till 8.30.took a cab back with shibin.
was catching up a lot on the cab.its been ages since we last chatted.feels really nice.talking about his bunny.his us trip.our lifes and everything.haha.brings me back to our primary school days when we did prefect duties at the stairs and chasing each other around the school.haha.
tired.a long day.had a nice warm bath the moment i got home.niceee.
hmm.joel says that theres a chinese test tomorrow on the book we were supposed to read over the holidays.barely touched it?only like two pages of it.and theres gonna be a test.oh great.see how i die tomorrow ya.=|
overall today is great.had so much fun with everyone.am really really happy.mostly because of the bqscrbn`?woohoo~
kept telling myself not to look.or should i say stare.but somehow in one way or another,my thoughts dont really communicate with my eyes? they just wander off.the way they always do.fixing its focus on him and him alone.sending me back to my lala land.-daydreams are yet so frequent.
really really happy now.smiling like anything.hee.just feel like screaming outloud in my excitement.aaaahhhhhhh!=)
alrights.gotta do up my homework.probably read my chinese book too.-dreads
see yas.=)
_all.smiles.[[love ya*]]



`there is no finish line
10:20 PM
Sunday, January 11, 2004
so much wanted to sleep.yet was dragged to shop.yawns.
all hell break loose.there seems no end to the stream of customers.had to serve them and everything.and bear with their complains.felt a little frustrated.only got to leave at 2.was totally worn out.-fatigue
theres this two page write up on van nistelrooy on the newpaper.so cool alright.they rate him so highly man.flatter him like anything.oh well.of course!
its my sis and her boyfriend's 3rd year anniversary today.she was smiling practically every second.she did this little book for him.stayed up for nights to do that up.and he got her this ikea light she fancied.how sweet right.they seem so happy and everything.feel kinda envious huh.she's loved by the one she loves.what a bliss.
alrights.gotta go do homework.
missing him.wondering whats he doing right now.

_____._crushed`







`there is no finish line
6:34 PM

 just done with homework.phew.left my a maths textbook in my locker.nevermind.go school copy.haha.
bought the lastest issue of FIRST magazine.tom cruise is on the cover for his movie the last samurai.its coming out on the 22 jan.arghs.would be overseas then.gonna watch it the first thing i get back.mmhmm!=)
just watched the little slideshow on karo's blog.will you still love me tomorrow.its really nice.lovee it.=)
alrights.gonna read my magazine now.ta-tas.

-cant wait for school.cant wait to see you*

`there is no finish line
10:22 AM
Saturday, January 10, 2004
woke at at 7.30.had to be in school by 8.rushed outta the house like anything.
got to school at about 8.30?was watching the band marching at the half netball court from the skybridge.one word.-dashing**
went over to dover to get breakfast.had kaya toast and iced milo.yummy.
the netball booth didnt need our help.went to the court to play netball.so fun!=)went to play the monkey bars.the climbing rope.balancing bars.snapped lotsa pics.me.mel.ness.sherri.lover.kim.we hung upside down on the balancing bars and sat on top of the monkey bars.heard those pics are coming out on the portal.oh my.gawds!
had a cool shower at the cca block.went off for church.ness and sherri joined us for church service today.service was quite okie.the sermon was enjoyable.
oh man.tsemin and kim kept saying i was staring at this church friend called juan zhong just because i said he was quite good looking.and lai yuan ran up to him wanting to tell him i was carrying a torch for him.i was like so paiseh alright.luckily he didnt in the end.phew.and an official annoucement: I DONT LIKE JUAN ZHONG!
had macdonalds for dinner.everyone gave faith a cold shoulder.haha.she was like so worried and stuff.haha.had fun.
the trip home took 1 hour plus.my butt froze to the bus seat alright.was chatting with kim all the while.she feels terrible still.but she was laughed like a whole 10 minutes.just because i told her of a silly thing i did when i was young.
haha.
got home.was helping my mum out with some washing just.
getting a new handphone!n3200.together with eugene.so cool alright.cant wait.he's getting it tomorrow man.but he'll wait till i got mine then we bring to school together.=)camera phone finally!yet i cant bear to part with my messages.my memories.they mean everything.
feeling tired.yet happy in a way.not too sure what i'm happy about though.perhaps it was this morning.him marching.his smile melted my heart alright.brightened up my whole day.just a simple smile does wonders huh.=)
okies.gotta go.see yas.

_falling deeper for you.*___ironic?perhaps.



`there is no finish line
11:11 PM
Friday, January 09, 2004
humanities the first period of the day.kinda ruins my mood?.the sight of the teacher irks me.geraldine kept hitting my pencilbox.haha.i took her bag.=)was so glad that the bell rang.lesson over.finally.
had our first a-maths lesson.learnt matrix.tsemin was laughing at me the whole time lohs.freak.shouldnt have told her that.haha.
e maths.wanling laughed slightly lesser?haha.kinda enjoyed the lesson.
recess.i seem to be buying from the same store everytime.the food was good though.hehe.sam foo kept calling me yellow rose!arghs.was like pinching her cheeks alright.karo also.called me fishball.
chem.groupwork.happy in a sense yet felt strange?
r&d.boringgg.wasnt really paying attention to mrs choe.haha harmoko messaged me just now saying i looked very funny with my eyes half closed during the talk.was tired mah.haha.
orca.didnt go for orca.had o level chinese talk in the hall.mr siew was talking about everything.scares me a little to know o levels is just not too far away.
school ended.its friday!
miss song gave us a talk saying how highly she thinks of netball blah blah blah.had training after that.ran the heritage run again.did drills and passes.one third court too.feels nice.havent been training for a while.=)
met him while going toilet.actually said hi.plus a wave.was jumping alright.oh well.madness.
played captains ball.actually injured gladys leg in the process.felt so bad alright.sori gladys!hope ya feeling betteR??
was lying on the netball court messaging till 7.30.went dover for dinner with kim.she's upset.its the 9th.her special day.oh wells.
had a nice time dinnering.jokes and everything.hope she felt better.told her the truth about how everyones deeming her as and stuff.hope it does get better.
was supposed to have coffee with eileen today at coffeebean.yet i had training last minute.changed it to next wednesday.sori eileen!=)
feel happy today.had lotsa fun.all smiles.
gotta wake up early tomorrow.cca exhibition for the parents.at 8.turning in real soon.so see yas.
-loving you*

`there is no finish line
10:56 PM
Thursday, January 08, 2004
didnt felt a least bit happy at the very start of the day.
two straight periods of english class.boredom.was sitting right in front with joel and the aircon was really cold.brrr.we were freezing alright.went library.slacked there.just chatting the time away.actually got tricked by moko to kick that globe model.freak!haha.
higher chinese.isabel joined our classes.clapsclaps.the period was rather okie.wasnt in the mood to talk or anything.
broke off for recess.passed chialing her present.shared it with shijing and ei hsin.its a little cute white beanie baby angel.=)
was chatting with lover the whole time while queuing.the food was rather good today.haha.went to shoot with sherri nessie and lover.we had this little compeition and i was the last.air balls.many.
biology.enjoyed it.but it gets a little boring at times though.
physics.was totally moody the whole time.felt weird.wanling kept chanting 'bi zhe looks so cute in long pants'.'bi zhe looks so shuai in long pants'.aiyun.chialing.grace.shijing and i was like diao.didnt pay much attention to the lesson somehow?my mind was elsewhere.
had to drag my feet to the humanities room.dread.dread.dread.hate the teacher alright.everyone does.i rather self study.she's practically reading everything from the textbook.was soo glad the bell rang.sprang up immediately.left for the canteen.
went jec to have lunch with nessie.kim.lover.mel.sheranne.xinyi.had macdonalds.mel kept laughing.so did kim.stoned at the corner.perhaps it was their laughters that made me open up.laughed too.at last?did homework.finished chem and physics.read through the biology notes.'huhs' filled my mind.
think i'll just slack around the rest of the day.nothing much to do.
feel weird today.flactuating emotions.yet again.depressed.i really am.there were so many times i was on the verge of breakdown.but i just told myself i cant.numbed to what they call [[pain]].long absent the feeling of [[happiness]].

_fill up the sreaming emptiness in me.make my soul complete.

happy birthday chialing! happy birthday aloysius gareth! ____=)


`there is no finish line
9:16 PM
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
had to bring two balls to school today.had a hard time carrying my waterbottle,adidas shoe box and the balls man.dropping them here and there.
chemistry was nice.but felt tired even though it was just the first period of the day.learnt about matter.more or less similar to what we learnt in sec one.
physics.quite okies.its somehow related to maths in a way.flipping through the textbook makes me think that i'll grow to hate physics somehow.hope not ya?
pe.took height and weight.i'm 162cm!its weird ya now.i'm 162 in sec one, 161 in sec two and 162 again in sec three.that means i shrank and grew again.took my weight too.arghs.put on a little.=(ran the heritage run.was rather okie.felt fine.saw yu xuan crying.oh my.wonder if he's alright.
recess.took a long time queuing.spent the whole time eating and talking with sherri.feels nice.talking about whats happening in our lifes and everything.
went to shoot at the netball court with karo sherri and nessie.haha.the ball kept smashing karo's hotdog bun.it ended up like a mash of solid.looks disgusting.rushed off to get changed and went off for english.
got into band B for english.miss hia's class.kinda boring.learning historical narratives.haha.shibin actually bought a normal academic textbook.haha.the tables and chairs in miss hia's classroom look really small in size.like kindergarden's.felt like dwarfs?
first humanities lesson.mdm erm i forgot her name.her lesson is downright boring.yawns man.felt like dozing off.theres humanities tomorrow again.can i like skip it or something?
lian he zao bao came to our school for the launch of a new section on their papers.had free popcorns.love the pink ones.the channel u came to film too.we're on the news.they kept snapping pictures of jingshun and linus.haha.guess they felt like stars.saw the news just now.quite nice.sherri looks nice on television.ben song and shibin too.they interviewed guan bo, yanghao, mdm xu and miss lim.it lasted for like a minute.hehe.
after school.sec one netball selections.its the last day.had this scorchtaped tag with the words 'senior min' above the school badge.feels nice man.stuck the tag on my file.hehe.did station 3 today.timing the shuttle runs.popped by station 1 too.helping out.so fun.
played street netball after everything.kept throwing bad passes.aiyohs.
rushed down to holland to get chialing's present.its her birthday tomorrow!=)
had fish porridge for dinner.yumyum.
have been hearing a lot about how the guys go ga-ga over miss lim.like how jiawei faked a leg injury to get miss lim over to his table.and how edwin ran out of the english class to biology class today.i really mean ran alright.haha.at first i didnt know why.i turned and asked someone standing by me.she just laughed and said 'haha.its biology now.the guys are always like that'.
flactuating emotions somewhat tire me out.my drained soul can really take it no more._save me*
lots of homework today.gotta get them done.see yas.

_total strangers.i dont want us to end up like this.

`there is no finish line
10:27 PM
Tuesday, January 06, 2004
tireddd.
my dad drived through macdonalds to get me breakfast before dropping me at school this morning.had a turkey egg ham bagel meal.cant finish.shared it with kim and tsemin.
assembly in the hall.pastor was giving the morning speech.wasnt even listening the whole while.
e maths.first period of the day.was rather fine.mr ganesan teaches quite well.just that wanling keeps making me laugh.she pratically giggles at everything mr ganesan says.she says he has the indian accent.haha.
two periods of higher chinese.disaster.just sat there listening to mdm shi talking about the o level format.sians.started the first chapter.paid attention.
chapel.another stoning period.
recess.moses gave this packet of paper undies to vic as his birthday present.???.haha.the queues turns me off.sooo long alright.finally got my hands on a plate of rice.had to gobble up and rush off for biology class.
miss lim came late.stood waiting outside her classroom for a long while.wanling keeps singing ah do's songs.trying to imitiate his voice.sounds so funny.miss lim was really nice.enjoy her lessons most.like the way she teaches and stuffs.
e maths.again.mr ganesan.again.wanling laughing.again.haha.we actually asked mr ganesan this question we didnt understand.and wanling was like giggling whole time.making me laugh too.we were like trying so hard to supress our laughter.i think mr ganesan found us weird alright.haha.bursted out laughing after he left our tables.arghs.
english.miss luah accent is really strong.kinda nice in a sense?the whole period was just her explaining to us the exam formats.hmm.english classes would be splitted up in bands.band A,B,C.wonder which one i'll get into.
school ended.a long day.got changed and went dover for lunch with nessie.sherri.xinyi.kim.sheranne.mel.karo had fried rice.met ian and rebecca.we were all wondering if they are together?
helped out in orientation.getting the sec ones to warm up and do passes.rate them according to their abilites and stuff.felt nice.
played netball.my passes are like?cannot make it.gotta brush it up man.had fun though.=)
went dover with mel and kim.lovveee the iced milo at the coffeeshop.spent the whole time talking to desmond.
was at the bus stop with nabi.jamie.geraldine they all.sick man.they were all talking about bras.lifting each other skirts and stuff like that.=|
took 74.so tired and everything.slept on the bus.overslept.had to call my sis to come pick me up in the end.haha.
had a nice nice bath.warm one.feeling refreshed a little.no homework to be handed up tomorrow so i guess not touching any.gonna turn in early today.heavy eyelids.
starting to think i'm beginning to love school?the new system of learning and everything.yet that part of me dreads.having to attend school knowing the fact it would just be another day being totally non-exsistant to someone._transparent*
thinking back to the past somewhat makes me feel better?much much better.reliving those days when i felt alive.hurts to compare the past and present.total contrast._heartaches.no end to it*
sis just cooked chilli mussles.yummy.gonna head down to the kitchen for more.see yas.

____ur ignorance is like a dagger stabbing deep into my heart.



`there is no finish line
9:44 PM

 tireddd.
my dad drived through macdonalds to get me breakfast before dropping me at school this morning.had a turkey egg ham bagel meal.cant finish.shared it with kim and tsemin.
assembly in the hall.pastor was giving the morning speech.wasnt even listening the whole while.
e maths.first period of the day.was rather fine.mr ganesan teaches quite well.just that wanling keeps making me laugh.she pratically giggles at everything mr ganesan says.she says he has the indian accent.haha.
two periods of higher chinese.disaster.just sat there listening to mdm shi talking about the o level format.sians.started the first chapter.paid attention.
chapel.another stoning period.
recess.moses gave this packet of paper undies to vic as his birthday present.???.haha.the queues turns me off.sooo long alright.finally got my hands on a plate of rice.had to gobble up and rush off for biology class.
miss lim came late.stood waiting outside her classroom for a long while.wanling keeps singing ah do's songs.trying to imitiate his voice.sounds so funny.miss lim was really nice.enjoy her lessons most.like the way she teaches and stuffs.
e maths.again.mr ganesan.again.wanling laughing.again.haha.we actually asked mr ganesan this question we didnt understand.and wanling was like giggling whole time.making me laugh too.we were like trying so hard to supress our laughter.i think mr ganesan found us weird alright.haha.bursted out laughing after he left our tables.arghs.
english.miss luah accent is really strong.kinda nice in a sense?the whole period was just her explaining to us the exam formats.hmm.english classes would be splitted up in bands.band A,B,C.wonder which one i'll get into.
school ended.a long day.got changed and went dover for lunch with nessie.sherri.xinyi.kim.sheranne.mel.karo had fried rice.met ian and rebecca.we were all wondering if they are together?
helped out in orientation.getting the sec ones to warm up and do passes.rate them according to their abilites and stuff.felt nice.
played netball.my passes are like?cannot make it.gotta brush it up man.had fun though.=)
went dover with mel and kim.lovveee the iced milo at the coffeeshop.spent the whole time talking to desmond.
was at the bus stop with nabi.jamie.geraldine they all.sick man.they were all talking about bras.lifting each other skirts and stuff like that.=|
took 74.so tired and everything.slept on the bus.overslept.had to call my sis to come pick me up in the end.haha.
had a nice nice bath.warm one.feeling refreshed a little.no homework to be handed up tomorrow so i guess not touching any.gonna turn in early today.heavy eyelids.
starting to think i'm beginning to love school?the new system of learning and everything.yet that part of me dreads.having to attend school knowing the fact it would just be another day being totally non-exsistant to someone._transparent*
thinking back to the past somewhat makes me feel better?much much better.reliving those days when i felt alive.hurts to compare the past and present.total contrast._heartaches.no end to it*
sis just cooked chilli mussles.yummy.gonna head down to the kitchen for more.see yas.

____ur ignorance is like a dagger stabbing deep into my heart.


`there is no finish line
9:44 PM
Monday, January 05, 2004
tired day.
had lessons for real.biology was fine.miss lim's nice.so is her classroom.bet all the guys were like drooling.haha.going to this exhibition at Expo on the 28 Jan.sounds really interesting.looking forward.=)
two lessons of e maths.wanling kept laughing at mr ganesan's english pronounciation.haha.her girlish giggle made me laugh too.cant really grasp the formula.ling was guiding me along the way.understand le!
physics.the relief teacher miss fang made a blunder over the names.stepfanie.nathan.danny.john.haha.started a little.was rather fine.
chem.mrs ang.my netball teacher.shes nice too.beginning to think i'll enjoy chem.seems interesting.
lifeskills.felt lifeless that whole lesson.resting my head on the table.felt moody somehow?
lessons seem to pass real quickly.dont feel like its 50 minutes.
school ended.stuffed everything into the locker.my bag feels weightless.hee.
went dover to ta-bao lunch with nessie.sherri.xinyi.sheranne.karo.had chicken chop.yummy.
sec one netball selections.our new coach came down.miss ivy hwee.she looks pro.was teaching this sec one girl how to pass a sidepass.almost vomitted blood.perhaps its just me not being patient enough.well.i used to be like that when i first started out netball too.-grins.
was just monkeying around after that.playing in the netball court with everyone.my passes are sucky alright.didnt play well.
took a cab back.was too lazy to take 74.oh well.
just had a bath.feeling tired.physically.and emotionally.
i feel kinda upset.lost as well.been thinking a lot.wondering.
his laughter.sounds so happy and carefree.so evidently heard even when i'm at the other end of the classroom.its a laughter i never heard during those days when we were together.is the past nothing as compared to that joke cracked?guess so huh.
looking at him.so absorbed in his life.i stop and wonder.does the thought of me ever passes his mind.guess not huh.
a glass wall.is all i can describe everything.dont like this feeling at all.sucks alright.
keep reminding myself to cheer up.but yet i find it so hard even just to flash a smile.a real smile.
_just hope tomorrow brings better days.



`there is no finish line
3:51 AM
Sunday, January 04, 2004
listening to say it isnt so.yet again.simply love this song alright.
if only its the case.
_a saddened sigh*

`there is no finish line
6:22 PM

 puffed up eyes.cried a whole deal last night alright.
sitting up on my bed.just cant get myself to sleep.those thoughts bombarding my mind.flashbacks of the past.tried so hard to chuck them aside yet they just keep coming back.refusing to leave my tired soul alone.tears flowed.the pain is overwhelming.used up half a box of tissues.
forgot to lock the room door.my parents popped by to check whether i was asleep.questioned me why i was crying.hid myself under the blanket.refused to tell them the reason.or rather i cant.they started scolding me.saying they provide me everything i want and yet i'm unhappy.i mean thats totally out of point.here i am so upset and there they are scolding me like anything.hate that alright.cried even more.
called chialing at 12.i cant take it anymore.i needed someone to talk to.
chialing's such a darling alright.patiently listening to me cry my heart out.told her everything i felt.being so tired of everything.the problems bugging me and stuff.does help a deal.a great deal.put down the phone at 1.30.90 minutes of talk time.my handphone bills are gonna explode.by still i'm so thankful for her.being there for me.dont know how would i have been without her.thanks chialing~
lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.lies.
just cant bring myself to believe those three months were lies,lies,and more lies.perhaps what chialing said was right.i'm just a crush he got tired of after a while.i'm just junk.purely junk.discarded junk.junk he never wanted.
//-mindy.you are totally pathetic.

-these wounds won't seem to heal,this pain is just too real,theres just too much that time cannot erase.*

my current favourite.would just listen this for hours.//like now
say it isnt so.gareth gates.

Skies are dark, it's time for rain
Final call, you board the train
Heading for tomorrow

I wave goodbye to yesterdays
Wipe the tears, you hide your face
Blinded by the sorrow

How can I be smiling like before
When baby you don't love me anymore


Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
If you wanna know, I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Tempt to find, at least we've tried
We're still alive with hope this time
As they closed the door behind you

We're so close and times are still
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
As I wish I'd never found you

How can I be smiling when you're gone
Will I be strong enough to carry on

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
Say I'm not wide awake
If you wanna know, I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so

Miles and miles to go
Before I can sail, before I can nail my love for you to sleep
Oh darling oh
I get miles and miles to go
Before anyone will ever hear me laugh again

Say it isn't so
Tell me you're not leaving
Say you've changed your mind now
That I am only dreaming
That this is not goodbye
This is starting over
Say I'm not wide awake
If you wanna know, I don't wanna let go
So say it isn't so





`there is no finish line
10:55 AM
Saturday, January 03, 2004
my sis drove me to school today.had macdonalds breakfast.yummylicious.
helped out in setting up the netball booth.the arrangement of everything and stuff.the pictures of the chalet are out.soo nice!i wanna put them on my bloggy man.replace the strawberries picture on the left.
had so much fun in the morning.playing with the c division girls.brushing up our drills.went to the hall to get our netball poles.mrs ang said they were in the storeroom backstage.ness and i went to get it and the backstage was filled with band members.had to squeeze through and everything.caught a glimpse.haha.in the end it was outside the hall.wasted effort.yet worth the trip.=)
popped back to the hall once again to catch the band and choir in action with sherri and nessie.sat by the side.the music was beautiful alright.really nice.
was kept busy the rest of the afternoon.performing netball ball drills to show the sec one girls what netball is like.33 people signed up.not bad huh.was worth my walking around school giving out flyers and snatching girls from other cca's booths.hahaha.
clearing up after everything.was quite tired.had a quick shower at the cca block shower toilet and rushed off to church with kim.was 40 minutes late.met huizhen at far east.tsemin was kinda angry with us.sori tsemin!=(chialing came for service too.cool!
was tired.but still tried to pay attention to the service.sang songs.felt nice.
went to makan with everyone after that.had mac.fish mcdippers.yum.went home.dropped by the bookstore at crown plaza.rent a book called the teardrop story woman.by the author who wrote the bondmaid.gonna start reading it later.
back home.had a nice shower.came online.was on the phone just now.with someone i haven't been talking to for a while.felt nice.catching up with him and everything.
feeling alright.not too happy yet not too sad.neutral i guess.though so many thoughts are on my mind.try to chuck them aside.escaping from reality?perhaps.
see yas.

_________all.the.things.u.said-running.through.my.head*



`there is no finish line
10:26 PM
Friday, January 02, 2004
first day of school!sprang out of bed the moment my moo moo clock rang.5.45.felt energetic somehow.kinda weird huh.quickly washed up.got changed into uniform.wore my school shoes.sipped some milo.grabbed my bag and popped on my dad's car.the ride to school was fast.about 10 minutes.
met clement in the canteen.then came ray and sean.started copying homework.copycopycopy.kim came early too.and freak i forgot to bring her english textbook.reminded myself time and time last night but i still forgot.kana bashed up by her man.sori kim!=|
just in the midst of copying.held my head up and took a quick scan around.among the large sea of human faces,there was his face.at that very moment,the screaming emptiness and desperate longing that i kept hidden deep in me for quite some while resurfaced.saw him smiling really happily mingling with his friends.had this silly grin alright.
assembly talk.what a bore.attire check.miss luah was like 'hair too long.skirt too short'.arghs.
went to class.kinda excited in a way.sat beside sarah and chialing.miss luah was introducing herself and everything.what are her expectations of her prince charming and stuff.played some games too.i'm mean mindy.haha.
broke off for recess.pratically stuffed everything into my locker.busy with giving out my bottles of m&ms.all 18 of them.just chatting around with lover and the girls.went to check out the netball court.its down right ugly.the goal circles are like blue and the centre third is eeeee.theres this like durian shape thingie on it.two of it somemore.lover and i were disgust alright.
haha.met mel.kim.jon.marcus.ben.had a quick chat.just catching up and stuff.went up to the hall for talks.discipline.personal development and principal talk.all three of them.yawns.kinda boring at times.busy decorating my name on the foolscrap paper.caught a quick nap.was rather glad when the thing was over.
had lunch with sherri.tsemin.ness.just rice.tofu.egg.kinda plain.
went around school with tsemin.to the technical blocks and stuff.her badminton cca booth is pathetic man.recycled posters from yesteryears.
did up the netball cca booth.looks cool!two netball poles by the side and the alphabets that form up 'netball' strang neatly from one pole to another.all the trophies placed on the tables.looks great.all ready for the cca exhibition tomorrow.gotta be at school by 8.i'm excited alright.
was playing monkey most of the times with the girls.so fun.met this little sec 1 boy called christopher.he's cute.all the netball girls were playing with him.he actually came to our booth and wanted to join netball.hahaha.went dover for dinner too.had seafood horfun.didnt even finish half of it.not much of a appettite.met him there.felt happy really.
oh dear.its a bad day for mel alright.shes real down and stuff.argh.pains me to see her cry.the usual cheerful mel i used to know is somewhat gone.leaving behind a listless soul.really hope she's alright somehow.would pray for her.and her splitting headache she's having.oh my.cheer up sweetie.
not really too happy either.just trying to put up a bravefront.smile when i'm bleeding inside.been talking to karo about how i feel and everything.she's helping me a great deal.being truthful to me on what reality is like and stuff.really thankful for her listening me out.feels somewhat better.thanks so much lover.and also for the porkie pig stuff toy she got me from movie world austraila.how sweet of her.she's such a darling alright.
passed him the bottle of m&ms.suddenly just felt speechless in front of him.all i can say is a welcome.missed those days where we would talk on for hours without ever running out of topics to say.somehow.those days are now over.reality calls.sighs.
alright.going off now.see yas.gonna have a early night.
-with tears flowing down my cheeks*

________you seem so near yet so far__[[17]]



`there is no finish line
10:35 PM
Thursday, January 01, 2004
happy new year everyone.
alright.was cheonging homework the whole of today.maths was the killer man.luckily got tsemin's paper for 'reference'.haha.made my job much easier.thanks tsemin!=)
went popular to get stationaries.all my pens pencil everything went mysteriously missing during the holidays.had duck rice for dinner.went home and found aiko sitting by the gate waiting for me.meowing the moment she saw me.i was like 'oh my'.she's such a sweetie alright.
seriously cant wait for tomorrow.missing everyone.wonder how would studying at the new school be like.the moving from class to class for different subjects.how would studying new subjects like biology.chem.physics feel.how would all the guys look like in long pants.just everything.looking forward.
hung up my uniform neatly by my bedside.placed my shoes and socks by the sofa.gonna pack my bag now.all the heavy books tomorrow!arghs.hope we get the lockers asap.gonna stuff everything in there.haha.
alright.alright.i feel tired somehow.gonna sleep early.
happy birthday jocelyn!=)
see yas.

nEw.yeAr.reSoluTionS.
-be a good girl.
-study hard.
-get a place in the school team.
-save up.
-have a closer relationship with God.
-cherish what i have.

.i.love.you._______[17]__its.as.simple.as.that*


`there is no finish line
10:37 PM


and i wont forget the way you loved me ;
mindy 2july1989 netballer seventeen
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