Sunday, February 29, 2004
i'm standing on a bridge
i'm waiting in the dark
i thought that you'd be here, by now
there's nothing but the rain
no footsteps on the ground
i'm listening but there's no sound//

blasting blink 182.i miss you. rocks ya.

puffy eyes.cried just =(
gonna get my nokia 3200 soon.couldnt like bear to part with my messages so decided to write them all out on paper.
those tears just kept falling.blurred my vision at times.made very sure the tears didnt fall on that paper.it accumulated into a damp patch on my blanket.
`m e m o r i e s
tsemin hushed me up a little.calvin too.thanks guys.felt better.

slept at three last night.was surfing the net while chatting with zeng.feel sorry for him.really.just hope that he puts it through lahs.jiayous ed! =)
had to wake up at 7.like urghs.was so tired and everything.
got home around 2.had lunch with my sis.

feeling down? i dont know actually.just aint too happy i guess.
been chatting with jing.haha.we told each other our little secrets! oh man and we're practically going looney.like now.hahaha.she's encouraging me a deal man.felt better.//thanks jing!would be there for you girl.we jiayous kays!=) *winks.
harmoko and calvin messaged.arghs.somehow just arent in the mood for sms.replying slow.

by the way.my bills came.
alright imagine that.
my mum screams my name.
er like 'MMMIIIIIINNNNNDDDYYYYY AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!'
not knowing whats happening.i walked into her room only to find her black face staring at mine.
she got up.walked towards me.waved a sheet of paper in front of my face.
m1 bills.seventy eight dollars and ninty five cents.
screams.
lecture.lecture.lecture.
mum graciously gave me one more chance.like heng arh.phew

so from now on.
mindy decided not to:
-reply messages during lesson time [no matter how boring the lesson gets]
-message till two o'clock every night
yupps.

i so love good charlotte!like all of the sudden.hehe.they rock like big time alrights.
love hold on.
love my bloody valentine.
love boys and girls.
love lifestyle of the rich and famous.

anyhows.am so scared to see my results tomorrow.
can someone get me a coffin and dig me a grave.-[urgent]

okays.better go get some work done.
see yas.


-cant wait to [s]ee you`se[r]iously cant.





`there is no finish line
10:00 PM

 she was like printing her paws all over me this morning.there was i blissfully sleeping and she just had to spoil everything.was so shag from the week.with all the late nights and six tests cramped in.thought i could sleep in late and everything.urgh.having a 5kg plus fur ball pouncing on you is no joke alright.especially when u're sleeping.haha.but i cant bear to scold her or anything lahs.all she wants is just to be cuddled with.
-ruffling her fur//rolled her on my bed//tickled her fat belly.
she had her fun.left the room and went for breakfast =)
oh by the way she's aiko.my hmm 26 months old kitten =)=)

washed up.turned on the mtv channel.
watched the asia hit list.those music videos are simply nice.
got bathed.went out after.
claded in my mambo tee and jeans.er ya.jeans.i hardly wear jeans.kinda more into skirts but just had the urge to wear it today?
had duck rice for lunch.was flipping Lime mag while eating.pretty interesting issue.
took mrt from clementi all the way to pasir ris.like woah 50 mins?

clementi control station//.turned and saw that big map board.the place where you would stand waiting for me everytime we went out together.or sometimes me waiting for you.
you.running sweating and panting.telling me that you missed the 196 and had to run all the way here =) it doesnt matter.
`cause no matter how long it takes, i'll wait

met up with faith tsemin and qiao zhen.took 403 to pasir ris park.kim and eugene joined us later.
sang songs of worship.listened to testimonies.they were all teasing me about jianzhong when he gave his.ahh.dont like him lahs.haha.
water baptism service was next.was more interested to see people catch jellyfish.there was one jellyfish which swam up to shore.medium-sized.wasnt too very far from my feet.it brings back the past.

jellyfish//.brings back the days where i used to tease you about your sting somewhere.reminds me of the way you said 'dear.you would know it feels if you were a guy' and 'the jellyfish damn horny'.so funny.you sounded so sweet.and also the powder i gave you.to cure your itch.haha.and whenever i mentioned about your sting you would go back to me accidentially touching some guy somewhere.
`we were forever teasing each other =)

had mee fen with the cell.oh and congrats to bethesda.she got 12 points for her Os! =)
haha by the way heard that our school fared horrendously.something like the worst fairfield has ever seen.quite evident lah huh.everyone was like crying everywhere on friday afternoon.oh wells.
went to play the pyramid with eugene.was like chatting up there and stuff.shibin called and was saying that he's gonna get eugene pink roxy slippers and he was like noooooooo.haha.shibin got it anyways.hahaha.
played the swing for a while.
took a bus to white sands.was like yakking all the way with eugene.telling him how happy i was cause my mum's getting me a nokia 3200 tomorrow!=) yippee! but yet i hope i can still keep my messages.they mean a world.
bought this fried potato thingie at white sand's basement.its really really yummy.its all fried and crispy on the outside and stuff with soft and silky mashed potatoes inside.its heavenly trust me.and its going for 50 cents only.like wahhh.cheap and good man.
took mrt back.pasir ris to clementi.was like playing poo-rain on eugene's handphone.its sooo fun can!have to keep running here and there to avoid the poo from falling on your head.me eugene and tsemin got hysterically playing that man.gonna download that the first thing i get my new phone!
got off the train.actually dropped my headset on the escalator and it got stuck.oh man.had to trouble the control station staff to get it out for me by closing the whole escalator.haha.paiseh.
got home by cab.surprised to see a new face at the door.my mum hired a new maid called belle.she's real friendly and stuffs.she's a little plump.think she's kinda cute.uh.haha.
and hooray.my com got fixed.new computer.new keyboard.new sound system.new everything.

its now.2.18 am early morning.am on my sis's laptop.cant get myself to sleep somehow.
messaging with calvin right now.talking about what kinda guy i like.uhh.
and wow.edwin's still online this late.moses too.

hmmm.he must be sleeping now.in cosy little bed.
i totally miss him.its the weekends.
weekends=2 days of not seeing xiaozhu=endless missing
hang on there mindy.monday's coming up =)

okies.its really late now.nearing three.
will surf my last and get some sleep.still needa go help up my mum with her shop.
so yupps.see yas.

peanuts.
walnuts.
cashew nuts.
hazel nuts.
i'm nuts over you.



`there is no finish line
2:52 AM
Friday, February 27, 2004
spent the whole morning looking for angela's tee.cant find it anywhere.was like ramaging my wardrobe, my mum's wardrobe, my sis's wardrobe and even my dad's.left house like at 7 and miraclously wasnt late for school.phew.
social studies.like wow.he actually talked back to mdm lee.he actually argued with mdm lee.he actually did.cool man.left mdm lee all speechless.should have seen her stupid face.hehe.
a maths.started on a new chapter.
e maths.mr ganesan came up to ask me whether i did study for the e maths test or not.was like 'errr.yah.i did'.and he gave me a 'are you sure?' face.man.think i flunk it alright.like sure thing.
freak it.
recess.had rice.usual chit chats and stuff.hais.angela's pissed at me.=( sori!
chemistry.urghs.that thingcame.had a little cramps too.uhhh.
r&d.was like sleeping through the talk.with tsemin.what a bore.
orca.me karo and sam were like playing fuzzy wazzy on wanling eileen chialing they all.fun.hehe.didnt touch a page of the book though.
school ends.
was at court.trying out one hand shooting.aint too good at it lahs.haha.
training.tiring tiring tiring.warm ups.drills.shooter rotation was the killer.kept re-doing it and re-doing it.got scolded for wearing blue handband and cca tee.feel so bad that the team had to do the punishments.like all because of me.
saw him around after training.was like so so happy can.oh by the way the looks really cute marching.like really really cute alright.hee!
had dinner with calvin.felt kinda awkward around him really.had noodles.chatted a little.and like oh man.mr chia was having dinner just at the table next.errrz.what a small world huh.he kept looking at us and stuff.hengchuan came to join us.we kept suaning him about his height.hahaha.
took 74.calvin sent me to my house bus stop.
got home.

hmm.have been munching heavy on chocolates.to be specific hersheys chocolates.they simply rock alright.love the cookies & cream and the milk chocolate with cookie chips ones.i have at least a bar a day.its like soo fattening but ahh.
`pure temptation.

*__feeling this.

yikes.
so happy
so happy
so happy
so happy
so happy
so happy
seriously am.
because of ________.[shh secret]
he rocks! thats all i can say man.
hahaha.


i'll die smiling man.
can everyday be just like today?

`when i look into your eyes, theres no stopping me.

thats all for today.


`there is no finish line
10:00 PM
Thursday, February 26, 2004
`so lost in this illusion

went swiss hotel for my sis's birthday dinner yesterday.the food was yummylicious =)
slept like 2 last night.mugging for the tests.was like so tired already but still had to keep myself going.calvin messaged me at like 12 plus just to ask me to listen in to 98.7.
-sugababes.too lost in you.
niceee.

Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you

was all sleepy in school.munching a chicken pie while i cramp that last page of physics.
physics.goner alright.flop the whole paper.seriously man.i wont be surprised if its a single digit mark.like duh.expected.
a maths.haha.a little hard too.managed to evaluate the last question though! x=5!hee
bio.pretty challenging.dont think i'll fair too well either.ahhh.
`mindy.you're so dead

so tired by the time it got to recess.exhausted from the lack of sleep perhaps.the papers seriously killed my brain cells.
had chicken chop.waited like 10 minutes cause the vendor was grilling it.tasted good though.

physics.had this quiz thingie.haha.was kinda fun lahs.
history.henpets doesnt know how to hide his book man.whatever with mdm lee.i just enjoy the air con more than anything else in that room.oh him also.hahaha.

school ends.
like yeahhhh.
got changed.had lunch with sherri and nessie.she's down.and so was karo.my two very good friends.
cheer up girls!!
[nessie*]
urgh.guess that life's just got its ups and downs ya.take things easy.theres sure to be a solution to it.smiles gal.hate to see you cry.
[karo*]
well.since things have ended up this way.gotta like bear the consequences.dont worry too much kays.i believe he'll forgive you in the end.he loves you gal!take this as a lesson ya.never to do it again.

training was pretty okay.seniors were all going fuzzy buzzy?
jamie and i seriously got something going on there.haha.
two rounds of track.four sets of push ups.jumping jacks.pitter patter.blah blah blah.
just hanging around school with friends before going back home.

`i'm feeling this >>>

am missing him right now.
he was online just.but we dont talk.
thats us.
dont think he wanna talk to me anyways.so yah.just shut my gab.

aint that happy today.
but seeing him really brightens me up.seriously does.
`when i see you smile, you turn my grey skies blue..

he actually messaged me during physics and asked whether i wanna go out on saturday.was like uhhh...
freakified.can i just like tell you straight that i've someone else on mind?

was pondering whether to click that send button on my handphone the whole of last night.typed a good luck for your test message.didnt send in the end.something's holding me back.perhaps its the fear that he would find me irritating.miss the times when i didnt even have to think twice about sending a sms.it can be done like so freely?no restrictions no anything.
yet no more.

hmmm.taking things easy.
waiting is my choice.
you can take away my everything, but you cant take away my right to love you`

________________.2 3 3 0.memories just keep coming back

I think of you, you're half a world away
I close my eyes, wishing you could have stayed
We fade now I'm left, with an emptiness I can't stand
There's an old piece of me, I know will never mend
I miss you so bad tonight
You were the one
Who loved me and held me and tried
In every way, I miss you so bad tonight
Where do I go, when I am so alone?
Who will touch my hand, and take this pain away?


will you>>>>?




`there is no finish line
9:49 PM
Wednesday, February 25, 2004
could you look me in the eye
and tell me that you're happy now
could you tell into my face
have i been erased
are you happy now ///

three tests tomorrow
`screams.
bio a maths physics
am so dead.

anyhows.its my sis birthday today.
so ya happy birthday to her.
have yet to get her anything.
oops.

okays.gotta go.
karo's complaining like anything le.hehe.

till my com is repaired.
see yas =)


*chaoster.
s a r a n g h a e y o



`there is no finish line
6:28 PM

 at karo's place right now.still searching for my social studies report to type out.it was like due today and i totally forgot about it.haha.


//turn back time.

last week was alright.sleeping at one plus two practically every night.messaging like non stop? right from after school till one.and i'll be like all so tired the morning next.uhh.
school's nice.a little hectic though.with all the tests coming up and stuffs.

had a dream about him the other day night.was so nice alright =)
how i wished i never did wake up from it.

// i wake up
and you just disappear in my dreams
my longingness for you
have left me all so fragile..

had lunch with eugene on monday before training.been a long time since i ate pratas.haha.felt nice catching up with him and everything.he's like damn horny can? oh well guys.`officially am on bad terms with someone

tuesday.had a long long long talk with jiawei in the canteen after school.till like 7 plus?felt so bad about something i did.ahh.

ran 2.4km.12m55s.my best timing ever.=)
me and tsemin were like splashing water at each other at the foyer??? she arh.haha.chasing me all over school.felt like mad woman man.

lovedd friday's training.was like so so fun.heehee.

had tuition at miss fang's place early saturday morning.with tsemin.
met up with eugene and went for the fun-o-rama after that.its really happening and everything.had rosti.
church was alright.sermon was interesting.
met calvin hengchuan and kelvin at cine after.had yoshinoya.watched along came polly.its really nice.what a sweet story.calvin sent me back.reached home at like 12?suprised my mum didnt scream or anything.

sunday.was like studying whole time[?] miracle.

monday.he gave me a bar of hersey chocolates and a nike dog tag before school.hung the dog tag on my bag.think it looks cool.
went holland kfc to mug with lover and ness.
told me at night that he likes me and if i ever considered him.errr.seriously dont know how to put things.
//i've long gave up the ocean for a fish and the forest for a tree, so dont knock on the closed doors of my heart`
that kinda sums up everything.yahh.

screwed up the tests on tuesday.like cant do them?
good luck man, mindy.
like freaking good luck.

*today.
chemistry.was messaging at the back of class.the lesson was boring lahs as usual i say.
physics.getting pretty nervous for the test tomorrow cause i cant for nuts read those graphs.
pe.ran six rounds round the track.i just love the way he runs alright.so style =)
recess.had rice and two cups of soya bean drink.
english.haha me sijay alson and sam were like sharing ghost stories rather than listening to miss hia.
history.started on the new textbook.didnt much pay attention.like i ever did?
class contact.was discussing the baskerton item.felt relaxed.hehe peeped at him like whole time? hee.

oh jeraldine brought her hamster to school today.its soo0o0o cute alright! so small and fluffy.its called baby.and its really cute can!

hmmm.am messaging sherri now.bet she's really enjoying herself now =) feel happy for her alright.

oh great.i cant find my social studies report!! its not in my files, not in my bag.its not anywhere.
have to like redo it huh.ahhhh.like why must mdm lee wants us to get it typed out man.

`f e e l i n g t h i s . r i g h t n o w
blah blah.

| i l o v e y o u |
and the feeling just gets stronger.
feel hopeless.
feel so unloved.
feel so unwanted.
feel so deprived.

i try.
tried.
so so hard
to tell myself,
convince myself.
that i'm over you

yet
deceiving myself
time and time again.

i hate myself`


why must you be so cold towards me..
it hurts.
HURTS ALRIGHT.


i cant think straight.
every thought of mine just have you lingering somewhere.

i cant deny my feelings.
i cant hide my emotions.
i cant lie that i love you no more.




*dear..



`there is no finish line
6:17 PM
Tuesday, February 24, 2004
com crashed.like again? ahh.hate my com.
at the school com now.was just checking out the nokia phone models with shibin.he left for the hep B jab thingie.so decided to just pop by for a simple post.yupps.
havent been blogging for a week till date.my com just cant get itself working huh.
lots lots and lots have been going on the past week.no way i'm gonna cramp everything into this post.so yah shall like do it some other time.

oh man.
the tests today are like crap.i'm so gonna fail them alright.
all t h r e e.
feeling tired.long day today.

wells.
gotta run.bye


`there is no finish line
2:02 PM
Sunday, February 15, 2004
listening to waiting by boA.its nice.

feeling bad over something.ah didnt know that jar of cookies would cause so much trouble.freak.a million sorries...
watched a little of moulin rouge just.pretty nice.

did nothing much today.pure rotting.
rot.
rot.
rot.
just bored.

why is there a piece of missing attached to every single thought of mine.
why is there that longingness for you harboured deep in my soul.
why is there that trail of memories marked with grief.

because..

________.

`there is no finish line
9:30 PM

 *friday.13th february
school's never the less a bore.
thanks everyone for the gifts.from chocolates to flowers to candles to cups to cards.you guys are so sweet alright.
anyhows.happy birthday jon!haha.though wished you when i was running to e maths class but heres it again.hehe
won guangyang's match.38-5.the goal attack sure loves to scream alright.like ahhhhh each time she cant get the ball?
went back school.played a mini match with the juniors.was goal attack! lalala.
busy making and baking cookies and cup cakes for someone.hee.
was like mixing and beating flour eggs butter everything.so fun.haha.all floury over.hmm.baked like twelve trays of cookies in which one was totally burnt.oops.the two trays of cup cakes turned out fine.hee.
busy with the album the rest of the night.took a long time deciding on the arrangement of the photos.

*saturday.14th february
woke up at 5 to do the last touch ups for the album.
was late for training all thanks to raymond.haha.
did half courts.was pretty fine.
was looking for a vacant locker.found one on level two.bought a lock.actually was wanting to slip the key into his shoe.but realised that band no longer place their shoes outside.had to pass it to him through a senior.
was worrying whether he would keep it the whole morning.all was relieved when i received the message of thanks.but questions he asked left my heart feeling heavy.heavy like a rock.the quick change of topic only tells me one thing.

he is escaping the fact that i love him

church was alright.edwin and wilbert came to join us.had to sit in an extremely uncomfortable way cause i was wearing a skirt.legs went numb.urgh.
had dinner.headed down town cause kim wanted to take neoprints.walked from far east all the way to heeren.the queue was so0o0 long.spent like 30 mins queuing.met christabel and sherlyn.they look so chio.haha.
the neos turned out rather well.
went cine.met edwin halim lawrence and calvin there.short chat.went back.
urgh.am disappointed over something.oh wells.nevermind.

happy valentines everyone.


i love you.

`there is no finish line
9:03 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2004
eagerly looking at the late comers line to see whether he was there.he wasnt.urghs.he's absent.
left english class at 8.met mrs choe and matthew.a mercedes drove us to marine bay.went to this little grassy hilltop for the photo shoot.was like running the whole time.the photographer was real picky man.
'mindy.must smile more!'
'mindy.must run more aligned with him!'
mindy this mindy that.
snapped a total of hundred plus shots.
haha.but was very fun lahs.
the photographer treated us to macdonalds after wrapping up.had bagel.was chatting with matthew over breakfast.he's quite nice.funny at times.he keeps yakking on carmelle.on how cute she was and stuffs.was like uh.gimme a break.
was messaging him!!hee!
back to school.had a drink at the canteen before going to class.had to end the conversation.only wished i could stay on longer.
biology.had to do some cell drawing thingie.
physics.did some spring experiment.
social studies.wished i was still at the photoshoot.would rather run and smile more than see mdm lee's face.

school ended.rushed to holland village with ness and sherri.developed some photos and went to party with us.realised the hearts cup cakes paper was out of stock!urgh!took a bus to ikea.got a big container for the cookies.was real late for training.took a cab back.
arghhhhh.the cab was turning into school was when i saw [him&her] at the busstop.was asking myself why am i doing all these for him, rushing everywhere to get his present done and there he was with her.was really discouraging alright.
training.did usuals.was kinda tired.gladys told me something she saw.urghh.felt worst.
took a bus down to centrepoint where the other party with us branch is located.bought the hearts cup cakes paper.was shopping for baking ingredients at cold storage when chia called.was telling her how bad i was feeling and stuffs.she encouraged me a deal.
went home late.
started a little on the album.

i'll be the brightest star
shining for who you are

`there is no finish line
6:48 PM
Wednesday, February 11, 2004
8:49.just got home.tired.

chem.had lab.heating of sulphur and iron fillings.felt bored.
physics.think i'm starting to understand those graphs.
pe.buddy for chialing.think she ran great.was like screaming cheering her on.hehe.he ran well too.
recess.had chicken rice with tsemin.added a lot a lot of black sauce.haha.hmm.played netball.down the courts.so fun.
english.whole period practically doing nothing.
social studies.mdm lee!urgh.tearing my head apart.didnt even pay a single bit attention.yawns.
fairfield connect.day dreams.miss lim and her propaganda talks again.
miss song says that we have to run for nationals cross country.freakk.030304.just two weeks away?
street festival.our class is doing some play thingie.and man.matthew's dad actually called my handphone and it ringed so loud lohs.luckily miss luah didnt hear.phew.
anyways.really happy alright.i can leave school at 8 A M tomorrow!woohoo.going for some photo shoot thing for the school magazine at east coast park with matthew.can skip like half day of school.rocks!
went shopping for valentines.was like running everywhere with my heavy school bag.from orchard to paris ris to holland village.exhausted.

oh.my dad just commented that i looked like a malay!?!?!
ahhhhhh.he says i'm very very tan.
oh no.


i dont wanna be like ness.
i dont wanna be like ness.
i dont wanna be like ness.
i dont wanna be like ness.

my shoulders are like chao ta.burnt.and my whole body has the tanned lines of my jersey and fbt shorts.
over exposed to sunlight results in this ya.


feeling this//

in a maze of confusion.
are you just making use of me?
seriously.i dont care.
whatever it is.
we wont be together.
fullstop.
i'm tired, cant you see.
never did once love you.
never.



i love him still.
and its more than you can ever imagine.




`there is no finish line
11:00 PM
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
before anything.
happy birthday ben!!

alrights.hmm.
was like cheonging e maths all way this morning.
assembly was kinda long.with miss lim's talk about the 100 bucks sports and performing arts had to pay for.its so expensive man.bet my parents would grumble and everything.
e maths.boringg.was just rotting away.
two periods of chinese.yawns.got back our test results.freak man.62.ahhh.
assembly.blah.
recess.was so00o0o happy alright.for some reason i wont tell.lalalalalalala~
rushing my zuo wen with sherri.grabbed a hot dog bun to munch.wished ben happy birthday.haha.just realised the birthday boy cut his hair.he got himself a new black quiksilver wallet.the design's real cool.was looking through his neoprints.haha.he looked so funny.hahaha.
biology.copy notes copy notes copy notes.tsemin just loves the way miss lim pronounces the word osmosis?haha.
a maths.was busy drawing my book.sets is so boring?
english.was telling chialing about my valentine's day plans.group discussion time.was supposed to come up with a factual recount.me and chialing were lkike yakking whole time.haha.so jiawei and sam came up with some crap story.about what? huh.whatever edwin zeng killing jiawei at a multi storey carpark.crap alright.
johnston presented his group's story about living in iraq.oh my gosh.its bloody funny.haha.whole class was like laugh non stop.and i mean non-stop.
school ended.went to shoot then had lunch.
left school with tsemin.heading for tuition at miss fang's place.
freak.yakked till we missed a stop.had to walk like so so far.legs breaking alright.
lost our way in miss fang's condo.haha.
miss fang's apartment is pretty nice.simple.
tuition was two hours long.miss fang was munching custard pies while teaching us.haha.she quite good.
took 166 back to school.saw him!was like so happy can.but felt my legs wobbled a bit.erm was nervous.

alright.home alone right now.too lazy to go cook instant noodles.so well would just give my sis a ring and ask her to get me dinner.
theres something wrong with my keyboard.freak.the keys arent working well.

tsemin's real troubled.and as a friend all i can do is just listen and advice her a little.really do hope she'll be alright.would pray for her.
karo too.oh man.that pig is such a jerk.how could he just toy with her feelings.feel sorry for lover.hope she'll fine.

feeling this*
happy.
he seem happy the whole day.so it really lifted my mood.mmhmm.


alrights.gotta do my social studies report.just gonna write some crap for mdm lee to mark.haha
tata.



Miles & miles of empty space in between us
A telephone can’t take the place of your smile
But you know I won’t be travelling forever
It’s cold out
But hold out
And do like I do
When I need you
I just close my eyes and I’m with you
And all that I so want to give you
It’s only a heartbeat away



`there is no finish line
3:58 AM
Monday, February 09, 2004
urghs.not in the best of moods right now.lost chij toa payoh's match.thrashed us like anything? 53-3
played real real bad alright.committed freakin' hell lotsa obstructions and contacts.kinda dragged the team down.feel terrible.arghs slap myself.
but think chij girls played a very good game.perfect shots.fast runs.nice passes.clapclap.
the GA was really fast man.like lightning.pairing with her was challenging.was really tired though.keeping up with her pace was like so tough.
love the way the goal shooter launches.and the way she shoots with so much confidence.ahhh.hee.and of course angela is ever so mesmerised with the goal defence.bet she was like elated when she got to defend her.haha.she just cant stop staring at paterina?
had a loong team talk.was like pin pointing one another's mistakes.had to run 2 rounds round the track as punishment.haha but me and angela walked whole time.and there she was yakking about her chio bu paterina again..yawns.
took a cab back.the fare choked up to 10 bucks man.
had dinner with mum.ate a lot.

hmm.on school...
came school later than usuals.lover actually helped me get my first three periods books outta my locker.how nice of her alrights.
biology.notes copying and nothing more.was busy copying maths homework.
a maths.sets.sets.sets.
physics.miss fang's gone.miss joanna ong resumes.she's kinda okie?had to do without a table.cant really quite concentrade.eyes kept wandering off?ahh.he just looks so cute when he's sleeping.hehe.
recess.passed eileen her extremely belated birthday present.felt bad.hehe.and also mabel's too.miss song gave a short talk.yeah yeah.whatever fairsian spirit again.yawns.train one third court a little.had sandwhiches before rushing off for class.told the aunty i wanted a nutella sandwhich yet she gave me seafood ones.didnt taste exactly nice.
chem.had only half period of it!grins.haha.
had lunch.got changed.trained.
one third court was fine.
left for nus.took a cab there.
saw him walking out of the school gates.smiles!
lost match.sighs.

feeling this`

listening to come what may from moulin rouge.soothing my soul.this song bring quite a bit of emotions.
felt a little joy today.just a little bleaming light in the roaming dark.i'm feeling a little hopeful.somehow?
in a way or another.i'm starting to doubt my thoughts.many a times i think the way i want things to be rather than the way things are? am i just deceiving myself??

alrghts off to rush my chinese compo.byee.

miss you
love you
waiting..

`there is no finish line
10:10 PM
Sunday, February 08, 2004
listening to falls on me by fuel.loveee that song to bits.totally do alright.

training was slack.yet tiring?
was listening to tiff's ringtones.so niceee.

had duck rice for dinner.i'm starting to love seasoned jellyfish.it actually goes well with duck rice.yum.

oh greattt.just realised i left all my textbooks in the locker.that means homework is practically un-do-able.which also means mad copying early morning before school.urgh dread`

not exactly feeling happy.
talking to martin now.just blahing everything out.
we're playing a guessing game.hmm.our thoughts do quite tele a little.haha

i seriously cant stand someone.
irritating freak.
attention seeker.
proud ass.
show-off geek.
bossy shit.

-roll eyes
wish i can just scream 'get lost'
your attitude is something i cannot bear.
you stink`

am so tired.emotionally.
cant fight this feeling i'm having

`you know i'll fight for you but how can i fight for someone who isnt even there..





`there is no finish line
9:30 PM

 blurry.puddle of mudd.

Everything’s so blurry, and everyone’s so fake
And everybody’s empty, and everything is so messed up
Preoccupied without you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I’ll protect you from all of the obscene
I wonder what you’re doing Imagine where you are
There’s oceans in between us, and that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face

Every one is changing, there’s no one left that’s real
So make up your own ending, and let me know just how you feel
Cause I am lost with out you, I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you, I stumbled and I crawl
you could be my someone you could be my scene
You know that I will save you from all of the unclean
I wonder what you’re doing I wonder where you are
There’s oceans in between us but that’s not very far

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me

Oh nobody told me what you thought,
Nobody told me what to say
Everyone showed you where to turn,
Told you when to run away
Nobody told you where to hide,
Nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn,
Showed you when to run away

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
When you shoved it in my face,
This pain you gave to me

No!
This pain you gave to me

Can you take it all
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away...
This pain you gave to me

`there is no finish line
1:07 PM

 my hair is in a messy state now.just got up from bed.

slept in late last night.edmund messaged.he was like so excited about valentine's day and how is he going about asking his dream girl out and stuffs.haha.he's really sweet alright.he actually got her chocolates with i love yous on it.told him he was sure to melt her heart man.haha.hmm.had this tinkerling envy in me.oh wells.

anyways.happy belated birthday mel!!!
and happy birthday mabel!!!

theres training later at 3.nus courts.my mum was like 'huh? training on sunday?your school siao arh!'.haha.

hmmm.theres piles of homework this weekend.e maths.chinese.history.english.physics.chem.
and oh great.havent started a single bit.
yeahhhh.
seriously dont feel like doing..?

anyways.chia accepted christ yesterday!feel happy for her alright.everyone was like calling her sharlene in church.haha.was like chatting with her on the bus ride back.feels nice.

six more days to valentines.still not yet quite done with my present.
theres this unspoken fear harboured in my heart.
i dont know how would he react when i give it to him.
i dont know what would he say when i give it to him.
i dont know whether he would even take it.
i'm afraid that i'll see it in a bin somewhere in school.
the number one question.
should i give it to him?





tears found their way to my eyes.

raging words that come deep in me.
i miss you
screams.



`there is no finish line
11:52 AM
Saturday, February 07, 2004
all about loving you.bon jovi.

Looking at the pages of my life
Faded memories of me and you
Mistakes I know I’ve made a few
I took some shots that fail from time to time baby
You were there to pull me through
Been around that block a time or two
I’m gonna lay it on the line
Ask me how I’ve come this far
The answer’s written in my eyes

Every time I look at you
Baby I see something new
It takes me higher than before
It makes me want you more
I don’t want to sleep tonight
Dreaming’s just a waste of time
When I look at what my life’s been coming to
I’m all about loving you

I’ve lived I’ve loved I’ve lost I’ve paid some dues
And baby we’ve been to hell and back again
Through it all you’re always my best friend
For all the words I didn’t say
and all the things I didn’t do
tonight I’m gonna find a way

Every time I look at you
Baby I see something new
It takes me higher than before
It makes me want you more
I don’t want to sleep tonight
Dreaming’s just a waste of time
When I look at what my life’s been coming to
I’m all about loving you

you can take this world away and everything I am
Leave the lines upon my face
I´m all about loving you
I’m all about
I’m all about
I’m all about loving you

Every time I look at you
Baby I see something new
It takes me higher than before
It makes me want you more
I don’t want to sleep tonight
Dreaming’s just a waste of time
When I look at what my life’s been coming to
I’m all about loving you
I’m all about loving you







`there is no finish line
11:23 PM

 my com's goon.sometimes its alright but sometimes its blanks out on me.so ya.havent been blogging for years.years.years...
here it goes.
got back most of the papers.
freakish.
sucky grades.all of them.
bio 10.
chem 15.
physics 17.5.
e maths 16.5.
a maths 15.
social studies.9.
wonderful.dont even dare tell my parents.

hmm.went for lunch with gorilla on tuesday.jurong point kopitiam.he was like doing his physics while i ate.haha.so guai.so unlike him.
went around to look for mel's present.practically combed the whole jp.for like two hours.haha.got her a dino toy in the end.had a good time laughing over his corny jokes.especially the one about his captain.oh my gosh.can very well die laughing.hahahahah.

bodyworld was alright.wasnt that disgusting as i thought.i liked the camel.haha.though it stinks a little.

lost bishan park's match.14-16.really could have won.shooters perentage went way lowww.missed like ten plus shots.felt like crying when i came out of court.everyone had their heads sunk low.we fought real hard the last quarter.but i guess that wasnt enough.`well.i knew i played my best.

feeling this`
i dont like the way i'm feeling.everything points to the fact that he doesnt.its tearing me apart.like now?
so many thoughts.just run through my mind.
questions.i yearn an answer.
i miss our everything.those times.yet seem so far away.
many a times i tried to run away from everything.tried escaping those thoughts.tried compressing everything single emotion that hurts at the back of my mind.no.it doesnt work.it hurt even more.

theres this something which keeps coming back.
this question to be specfic.
how can he let go of what we had just like that?
pondering.
a n s w e r.
a love he never wanted.

how i just wished this everything was a dream.
how i wished time paused and never did moved on last june.
how i wished there wasnt a 050903.
how i wished we could be like how we were before.
how i wished you and me were still we.
how i wished......
`mindy.wake up

will you ever be back?
no.
do you even care?
no.
do you think back the times we shared?
no.
does the thought of me ever do cross your mind?
no.
do you know i cant help but love you even more..

`screams

i dont need everyday's after school lunches
i dont need everyday's recess breaks together
i dont need eveyday's going-home-together
i dont need everytime after training pick ups
i dont need every night's 8.30 phone calls
i dont need you to hold my hand in yours

i just need you to want me
just need you to love me
just need to know your heart is with me
thats enough
and with that
i'm more that contented

i want to be the one you tell your fears to
i want to be the one you pour out your sorrows to
i want to be the one who stands by you in your lowest days
i want to be the one to pick you up when you've fallen down
i want to be the one you whisper your secrets to
i want to be the one who is on your mind
i want to be the one who makes you happy
i want to be the one who you call dear
i want you and me to be we

`xiao niu nei xing li de kong xu ni you zhi dao duo shao?
xiao niu wei xiao zhu liu de lei ni you zhi dao duo shao?
nan dao ni yi tian ye bu huai nian wo men de guo qu ma..
nan dao zhe tiao zhen de shi yi tiao si lu ma..

shut out.
my hopeless thoughts
my crushedd dreams
my twisted reality




i was dreaming
always have been

`i close my eyes.













`there is no finish line
11:17 PM
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
com crashed.reason for me not blogging for days.urgh.
hmmm.nothing really much happened.let me see.

oh yes.cross country.
was running my last 100m.everyone was cheering.even people who i dont know.felt touched.came in first for the b division girls.didnt feel too happy about it though.it wasnt like rightfully mine.was supposedly second.urgh.haha.but felt nice when i went up to get my medal though.my team mates were like clapping shouting everything haha.
had a interview with the portal.they were like asking weird questions and stuff.haha.slip short answers i gave.
practically screamed my lungs out.was like cheering the c div netball girls on with everyone.cheered him on too.hee.
the whole team had a big lecture from miss lee after everything.sighs.
went king albert park macdonalds for dinner.met tsemin they all.and him too.haha.actually said hi at the stairway.haha.was screaming for joy on my inside.
had mcspicy double.was freaking hungry.gobbled that up.
was crapping around with the girls alright.haha.so fun.girlish laughters and everything.we shouted to ness* happy hari raya when she left.haha.soo loud.she was real paiseh man.haha.
was really happy.messaged him at night.was chatting up quite a bit.he's reassuring me and stuff.felt nice.got me so worried to know that he had muscle cramps.so relieved he's alright.yet my eyes got teary when he said he cant remember what happened that day.oh wells.its alright.expected.had to hush myself up a bit.

sunday.went back to school to get my books.had to trouble chialing to pass me my locker keys.lost mine.oops.
went taka REDS for a hair cut.snipped it shoulder length.the pony tail's kinda short.thought it looked okay.found out it wasnt after i washed it.freak.
spent the rest of the day mugging.homework.till 1 plus.

monday.met up ness sherri sheranne serena angela tiffany at orchard.they were late.angela and sheranne were fighting screaming everywhere.haha
shopped around a little.angela bought nail polish.
went yoshinoya for lunch.had a religious talk.haha.about christianity and everything.cool.
caught the last samurai.niceeeee!!was like munching pop corn whole way.






`there is no finish line
9:02 PM


and i wont forget the way you loved me ;
mindy 2july1989 netballer seventeen
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